‘I’d love to match the grace and poise of my cockatoos’
In his exclusive report, the comedian talks about his scene-stealing birds and being dubbed The Rocket
This has been a week of firsts for me, which I find is always a fun way to get through life. First time dancing the Cha Cha Cha and first time dancing on live TV, and of course first time wearing gold trousers. Those trousers, I have to say, did elicit a lot of comments, largely positive. They are quite magnificent, something a pharaoh might wear around the house, or to a pyramid viewing. I may try to purchase some, in case I ever get asked to go golfing with a sultan.
As for my performance, the comments about my Cha Cha were also mainly positive. I was a little shaky on technique, my arms appeared to be acting independently of my body and a couple of steps went awry, but I think it was a creditable effort. I threw some shapes that could be interpreted as not so much Latin, more semaphore, or maybe self-defence, but I still think the spirit of the dance shone through.
I did give myself wholeheartedly to last week’s routine, and indeed the whole experience. For some reason I have acquired the nickname “The Rocket” from the other male contestants. I think this came about during a conversation we were having about sporting prowess. I mentioned I was fastest at the long jump on school sports day, meaning I was great at the run-up, not so good at the actual jumping part. Indeed, despite his rather parsimonious score of three, Craig Revel Horwood enthused that I had “invented an entirely new dance genre”, somewhat due to the speed I was performing at, which can’t be a bad thing. Dance innovators such as myself are always misunderstood in their time, only to be judged by future generations as having pushed back the boundaries of the craft.
This week I’m learning the Quickstep to Bobby Darin’s If I Could Talk to the Animals, so I brought a couple of our rescue cockatoos, Molly and Jakobi, to the training studio. They had a whale of a time showing off to the camera and Molly flew across the
studio gracefully to the cameraman. I’ll have a tough time matching her poise on Saturday! The animal theme is a good one for me as we have a menagerie of rescue animals at home. Sharing our lives with these creatures is a gift, but it’s a massive commitment – they’re very high maintenance and we can never make up to them what they’ve lost, so I’m very committed to the conservation of these lovely birds.
The biggest challenge of the Quickstep is mastering the “look” of ballroom. Shoulders have to be down, while the elbows go up. But I seem not to be able to isolate the two, as if they’re pegged together, like the pound and the euro. A lifetime of simultaneous movement has to be unpicked in a mere few days. To help my posture, my brilliant teacher Oti Mabuse straps two lengths of wood across my back to form a cross. It works brilliantly, but does look a bit like I’m starring in a low-budget version of The Passion of the Christ.
I’m sure it will help me to achieve the “frame” (if I sleep with it on). If not, I’ll have to figure out a way to wear this device without it being noticeable. If I’m wearing a spangly bear suit on Saturday, you’ll know why. Well, the theme is Talk to the Animals, after all.
Strictly is on Saturday on BBC One at 7.10pm; results are Sunday at 7.15pm