Dognappers have made me fear my walk in the woods

Lately, if Himself is trying to wind me up, he pretends to be auctioning the dog. “And what am I bid for this marvellous, if terminally dim, Cockapoo? Do I hear £3,000? £3,200, Madam? Sold to the lady with more money than sense!”

I find it hard to crack a smile. Since I brought home the red ball of fluff, the price of puppies has gone through the roof. So, alas, has dognapping, up an alarming 170 per cent last year.

Organised criminals are targeting this furry loot in response to the craze for canines during lockdown. Taking Bingo out for a walk in the woods is like having a Rolex on my wrist in the wrong part of town.

The danger was highlighted by the violent theft of Lady Gaga’s two French bulldogs, last week. Dog-walker Ryan Fischer was shot as thieves sped away with Koji and Gustav. The star offered a $500,000 no-questions-asked reward. Both dogs were safely returned. Clearly, the reward was irresponsible – a green light to canine kidnappers. But if money is no object and your babies have been stolen… which dog-lover wouldn’t be tempted to do the same?

Every week brings more awful stories. A spaniel and her whelps were stolen from a family home. Posting adverts with contact details is risky when a litter can be worth well over the annual average wage.

A friend out with her bichon was approached by a boy who tried to pet him. Luckily, the friend spotted an older male, lurking in the bushes. Hastily, she sought safety with other dog-owners nearby.

Now, our daily walk is tinged with trepidation. I’m seriously thinking about buying a rape alarm to go along with the whistle and poo-bags. It’s not my grief at losing Bingo that I fear most; it’s Bingo’s fear and panic at being parted from his family.

We owners must pray fervently for doggy deflation. As lockdown lifts and people head back to work, it will drive down the price of puppies. Bad men can go back to dealing drugs. Trade cocaine, if you must, but keep your nasty thieving mitts off our Cockapoos.