I’ve got the perfect thing to wear on Freedom Day…

What to wear on Freedom Day? If the fashion glossies are to be believed, then we’ll be emerging like brilliant, bang-on-trend butterflies from the shabby remnants of our loungewear chrysalises.

No pressure, then. Apart from where to source a pastel blazer, cow-print clogs and a pleated ombré skirt before Monday, obviously.

Me, I’ve forgotten how to order a drink, never mind “step out in style this spring”. And I don’t think it needs a spoiler alert to point out that April 12 is not going to be a scorcher.

So that’ll be every variation on a boiled wool jardigan, a lumberjack shacket and an oversized cashmere poncho for me, please.

Adding to the sartorial stress are the endless emails from every online retailer I’ve googled in the past year, cajoling, pleading and coercing me into spending money on must-haves.

Most worrying, J D Sports (don’t judge me, overpriced trainers are the opiate of the masses) is contacting me hourly, alerting me to the fact it’s time to “level up with a ’drobe refresh”.

Is it, though? I fear JD is mistaking me for a member of the tracksuited Moderna Generation – on your top-ofthe-range racing bike, mate.

By my fuddy-duddy Astrazeneca and floaty spring-to-summer scarves shall ye know me. It’s quite a useful way of redefining ourselves in the new normal, with its post-covid classifications and vaccine divisions.

But back to Freedom Day, which I shall spend (drum roll …) on staycation.

Pinch me, but I sincerely hope I’m not dreaming that I booked a cottage on the coast many months ago.

I couldn’t be more chuffed at the prospect of force-marching my family along the beach to blow away the cobwebs. Catering in a strange kitchen with knives that are never sharp enough? Lovely. Heck, I won’t even complain about having to rustle up lunch. In short, I can’t wait to do the same things I do every day somewhere else, but a lot less grumpily.

So I shall put on something new to mark the occasion: a smile.