How secretly French are you?
With France off the amber plus list and elevated, or is it downgraded?, to plain old amber (don’t blame me if it’s all changed by the time you read this), you may be considering a holiday in the glorious Republic. If you’ve forgiven Macron his many transgressions, that is, in which case you are not French. Whatever, it’s been a while so it’s probably time for a refresher course in how not to stand out as a provincial foreigner.
Do not travel with sun cream. To be truly French is to travel light as if you’re low maintenance – and buy a trunk full of unguents when you get there. French pharmacy brands are both value for money and highly effective. Try La Roche-posay or Avene’s sun screens.
Do not wear a Breton. This is le cliché de clichés. Wear anything but a Breton. If you want to ooze je ne sais quoi sultriness, opt for an off the shoulder top that’s sexy but not pushy.
Ditch hard eye liner. It may have served Bardot well back in the day, but it’s not going to do you any favours on a hot sultry night in Provence and harsh lines are not the most flattering past a certain point (also very difficult to perfect after a bottle or two of rosé). Instead, a soft but waterproof pencil you can smudge at will, thereby making mistakes impossible and all part of your general French inousicance. Best in class: Chanel’s Stylo Yeux which comes in soft browns, greens, plums… anything but black (it comes in that too, but we don’t need to concern ourselves with such binary shades). Switch out your blazer for a Chanel style jacket: The two great achievements of French fashion are Le Smoking (Saint Laurent) and Le Veste Cardigan Boucle (less catchy, but still a marvel, and by Chanel). One is not better than the other. Both are essentials in any wardrobe, but 2021 is, after several years of blazer dominance, the year the cardigan jacket mounts its comeback. Perfect for fresh evenings in Biarritz, Ile de Re or Paris. Never wear it with the matching skirt suit however, but with… French Jeans. The French have never really seen the point of designer denim. Not for them the £900 versions produced in the name of cultural icons such as Saint Laurent. Instead they content themselves with a pair from Uniqlo or Zara (skinny, straight or high waisted and ultra flared; no weird barrel or carrot shapes). These they zhoosh up with a fancy scarf (ideally Hermes, which they can justify because Hermes is one label which holds its value). Shoe wise, it’s not a clompy trainer, but a Stan Smith white plimsoll. Or black ankle boots, flatform sandals or ballerinas. But not any ballerina. It’s summer, this is France. Vive Le slingback.