Creating a two-tier society is the mother of all diversionary tactics
Dies irae, dies illa. Downing Street had decided to end this most furious of days by waging war on two fronts. As the Prime Minister contended with the Westminster lobby in the cursed conference room; over in the Commons, Health Secretary Sajid Javid had been sent over the top to outline new Plan B restrictions to an irate chamber. Neither had an enviable gig.
Some declared this a “dead cat” manoeuvre, designed to bury the news of Downing Street’s illicit Christmas bash – though you might think that restricting the freedoms of 60million people as a diversionary tactic surely merits a more appropriate term. Giant rotting lion’s carcase, perhaps, or beached whale on the seafront?
Either way, Plan Beached Whale was in full swing. The PM warned darkly of “the remorseless logic of exponential growth”, before unveiling an inexplicable array of random measures – Covid passes, new mask mandates and work from home guidance.
“By reducing your contacts in the workplace, you will help slow transmission,” he said, putting on his best gruff Churchillian voice – advice that, given events of the last 24 hours, seemed almost calculated to enrage.
One thing that certainly hadn’t received the home-working memo was the word “could”, which was doing overtime. “Given the potential numbers that omicron could produce”, the PM said, “we just have to respond today in the way that we are”. There were even nebulous hints about a “national conversation” about compulsory vaccination.
Helping the PM was Chris Whitty, the Chief Medical Officer, who brought his usual undertaker’s charm to proceedings. Today, however, the charts of doom (falling hospital admissions, data from much less vaccinated countries) weren’t scary enough to strike fear into the hearts of men.
“How can you stand at that lectern, exactly where some of your team laughed and joked about Covid rules, and tell people they must now follow your new instructions?” Laura Kuenssberg, for the BBC, demanded.
The Prime Minister retaliated in Just A Minute style – filibustering her question with a lengthy paean to his departed can-carrier – sorry, valued colleague – Allegra Stratton.
Were these new proposals merely a ploy to knock unfavourable stories off the front page, asked The Telegraph’s Ben Riley-smith? The PM shuffled uneasily, looking wan – a reanimated corpse balancing a straw thatch.
In the Commons, Sajid Javid had to battle calls of “Resign!” from Tory backbenches as he trudged through his statement. “Can he give me any reason at all why I shouldn’t tell my constituents to treat these rules in exactly the same way that Number 10 Downing Street treated last year’s rules?” cried Philip Davies.
Labour, naturally, were very angry, but they’d be supporting the new restrictions, come what may.
It was all so depressing. Victory for the scaremongers and the “do something” politicians; defeat for logic. After all, we’ve all done things at a Christmas party we regret, but is creating a two-tier society really the best way to resolve it?