It’s time to insure my wonky ear and battered right leg…
How much are your limbs worth? A couple of quid each? Tell you what, I’ll give you a tenner for the lot. After all, we’re not all Heidi Klum, who admitted yesterday that her legs are insured for a mighty $2million. Appearing on Ellen’s TV show on Monday to promote her new dance track with Snoop Dogg, the 48-yearold German supermodel volunteered another curious fact: apparently one leg is “more expensive than the other one”, thanks to a “big scar” marring the cut-price version’s perfection. There I was, assuming that the right leg would automatically be deemed the most valuable. You know, the one models and actresses always stick out in photo poses, with Angelina Jolie doing it so much back at the 2012 Oscars that her limb acquired its own hashtag and Instagram account overnight, going down in meme history as the most “publicity hungry” leg ever. But if we’re talking imperfections, then we’re all essentially worthless, aren’t we? As my 10-year-old helpfully pointed out at the weekend, my “right eye is much smaller than the left – and sort of squintier”. My left ear is also higher than the other, so my glasses are always crooked, and my right leg has accumulated so many war wounds over a lifetime that it belongs in a bargain basement.
In fact, given how gnarly most of us are by middle age, I’m thinking some wily insurance firm could make a fortune by focusing on the wonky and the bruised – like the ethical fruit and veg firms that crusade against food waste by championing misshapen squash, and insist it’s “what’s inside” that counts – and the glorious “oddbox” of humanity that we are.