Starmer pins his hopes on rising fuel bills and ignores the Patel-shaped elephant in the room

No one was quite making sense in Westminster yesterday. In Parliament Square, the antigovernment protesters were back, chanting their delirious medley through a megaphone. “Boris is a liar! fnur fnur”, “The Tories mumble mumble”, “Resign!” etc. Inside the chamber, Conservative backbenchers – looking re-animated – were bleating like a flock of sheep.

“Meeeergh!” they brayed as the Prime Minister took his seat, “Bleeeergh!”

Paul Holmes of Eastleigh said, “I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve this”, as he stood up to a particularly bracing chorus of “Yeahhh, yeahhh, yeahhhh!” from his colleagues.

It was certainly 1-0 to Labour in the battle of the yellow and blue lapels

– the Boris Johnson’s modest pin proved no match for Keir Starmer’s snazzy Ukrainian ribbon and matching emblem. However, it didn’t take long for the Leader of the Opposition to squander his early advantage. Home

Office visa chaos seemed the obvious opening gambit, yet Sir Keir inexplicably decided to ignore the tusked, galumphing Priti Patel-shaped elephant in the room.

Instead he plumped for energy bills and a favourite tactic – using his six questions to make the same point in six different, ever more plodding ways.

He renewed his cries for a windfall tax on energy companies, and demanded an about-turn on support measures, which the PM ruled out.

“We’ll see how long that position lasts”, said Sir Keir sassily, causing the Tory backbenchers to momentarily abandon their habitual baa-ing for something closer to Kenneth Williams. “Oooh!” they crowed, Carry On style.

Rachel Reeves and Angela Rayner shot imperious pouts across the Dispatch Box.

To Starmer’s long-winded question about turbines, the PM had an unexpected analogy up his sleeve.

“We are the Saudi Arabia of wind power,” he cried, conjuring images of himself as a kind of British Mohammed bin Salman, presiding over a dastardly wind empire – the sultan of hot air.

When the Labour leader demanded support for nuclear energy “after years of neglect”, it provided yet another own goal – and perhaps one too many for the already excitable Tory MPS. The front bench began wagging their fingers in unison. “It was you,” snarled Nadine Dorries.

“Those were the people who cancelled our nuclear efforts,” drawled Mr Johnson, gesturing at the Opposition. “I’m delighted to welcome them to the fold!”

All of this proved catnip to his MPS but, at some point, perhaps after being in charge for more than a decade, a party has to take responsibility for its own actions. There’s only so long one can blame Labour politicians from a misty time when the Kaiser Chiefs were headlining Glastonbury, blue mascara was “in” and you could still smoke in pubs.

It was left to Ian Blackford to squeeze the Government on the Home Office’s visa nightmare – a role that the SNP spokesman was born to play.

“Scotland stands ready to offer sanctuary and refuge,” he swelled, puffing up his shoulders. “We understand how much refugees have to give in this country,” replied the Prime Minister; citing himself, Dominic Raab and the Home Secretary as the direct descendents of refugees. And, with this non-sequitur, an incoherent – yet bloodless – PMQS drew to an end.