Quantitative stuffing

Paper banknotes make more comfortable mattress fillings than the nasty plastic notes that are replacing them. That much is agreed. The old notes insulate and “breathe” naturally, unlike clammy, sweaty new ones. This may partly explain the hidden mountain of 160 million £50 notes and 300 million £20 that will no longer be accepted in shops after September 30, 100 days’ time. After that, hoarders must unstuff the mattress and trundle their wheelbarrows down to the Bank of England, which delights in exchanging notes past their sell-by dates. You can also post piles of tired fifties to the Bank. This would feel strange to the cautious. “Please take appropriate measures to insure against loss or theft,” the Bank advises. Alternatively, buy something now that will keep its value – unlike, these days, banknotes.