‘I wanted them to fail to prove I should have been there – I hated myself for it’
Beth Mead had dark thoughts after missing the Olympics but is now focused on Euros glory with England, writes Luke Edwards
It is not something she is proud of, but, as the 27-year-old admits, it was bitterness that inspired Beth Mead’s outstanding season for Arsenal and return to prominence with England.
As one of Sarina Wiegman’s in-form players prepares for the start of this summer’s European Championships on home soil, she reflects on “the lowest point of her career”, and the horrible emotions that came with it.
This time last year Mead was in a dark and twisted frame of mind. Left out of an England training camp, long before she was told she would not be going to the Olympics, the forward reveals she spent much of last summer wanting Team GB to fail.
Hurt and annoyed, the former Sunderland player was plagued by negative thoughts to the point that she wanted some of those picked to underperform. She wanted people to realise it was a mistake to leave her at home.
Mead hated herself for it, but the feelings of rejection had caused this uncharacteristic animosity. She did not blame Hege Riise, the Norwegian manager on a shortterm contract following the sudden departure of Phil Neville, but could not get over being dumped in such an insensitive fashion.
“I wasn’t in a good place last summer,” says Mead, “and I hate myself for feeling like I did. But things were handled badly and I was hurt. I was angry and confused and it just wasn’t done correctly. I did feel as though I had been let down and badly treated.
“To be part of the England set-up for so long and then dropped, for nobody to explain why or give a good reason for it … then I was brought back into the squad because of injuries, people pulled out and it was terrible.”
Mead recalls the painful memories, the decisions that appeared to make no sense. “I came into the camp and was told to play at left-back or right-back. I was there to make up the numbers. It wasn’t much fun. In fact, I hated it. You shouldn’t be thinking like that when you are picked for England but there’s no point denying it now.
“Nobody said anything. Nobody gave a reason or said where I needed to improve or why other players were picked for the Olympics and I wasn’t. The only feedback I got was that I was ‘too aggressive in the way I played’, I couldn’t get my head round that. That had always been the way I’d played. It felt like an excuse.
“That summer was tough. I tried to support the girls and, of course, when the games started I wanted my friends to win. But I found myself sitting at home and I was actually having negative thoughts about some of the players, wanting them to do badly so that people realised it was a mistake not taking me. That wasn’t me, it’s not like me. They weren’t emotions I had experienced.”
But an angry Mead is a good Mead, it seems. Her frustration proved a motivator going into the Women’s Super League season, and played a part in one of the most exciting title races in history.
“I’m competitive in everything I do. I want to win and I wanted to go to the Olympics. I was stressed by all of it, but it lit a fire under me. I was not going to feel like that again. If anything, I was the most determined and focused I’d ever been when I got back to Arsenal.”
Mead has since been named Arsenal’s player of the year – bagging 11 goals and nine assists, her best season for the club – but there was damage to be repaired.
Having played with a physical edge since she was a six-year-old in
‘I was stressed by all of it, but it lit a fire under me. I was not going to feel like that again’
a mixed team in North Yorkshire, being told she was “too aggressive” was crushing. It felt she was being derided for the qualities that had made her the player she is.
She praises manager Jonas Eidevall for restoring her confidence at club level, but it is the Dutchwoman brought in to lead England at their home Euros who has “been a breath of fresh air”. “She [Wiegman] has been great,” Mead says. “She has that experience of winning a home Euros with Holland [in 2017], she knows how to go about things. When she talks, we listen. “There has been this impression that she is strict, but that isn’t the first word I would use. She is very direct. You might call that blunt in England, but it’s also very Dutch. They always go straight to the point. We needed that, some straight talking.
“She isn’t unkind but from day one, we knew what she wanted and how she expected things to be done. She has standards and she demands they are met. When you know what is expected from you, that’s fine. There have been no complaints. I love playing for her.”
Rather than ask to curb her natural instincts, Wiegman has encouraged Mead to be herself – and she has not lost her angry side.
“It’s a thing [angry Meado],” she laughs now. “I play my best football when I’m angry, to a certain extent.” Mead recalls a pivotal moment, a World Cup qualifier against Northern Ireland in October, when she lit up Wembley with a phenomenal three goals in 14 minutes. “I was left out, rested, dropped and was so angry on the bench. I came on and was, ‘Right, watch this!’
“I feel like I’ve always had to prove myself to people. Even from a young age and maybe that wasn’t always healthy, but I’ve learned to channel it in the right way.
“At Sunderland, I was the top scorer in the WSL and still couldn’t get a game for England. There has always been stuff like that, where I feel I’ve got to show people have made a mistake with me.
“I’ve played some of my best football this season. I had a point to prove. Maybe what happened with the Olympics will prove to be a blessing in disguise. I wanted to prove the coaches who said I wasn’t good enough wrong. “And all the people who say and write critical things. Maybe I’m strange, they always say don’t read the negative things, but that’s my fuel, it gets me going. Some people might find that odd, it’s just the way I am.”
The difference is, this summer England do not want her to change. Wiegman – and her team-mates – like Mead just the way she is.