The dowager duchess routine struggles to win over hearts and minds

‘There was plenty of energy in that but it was more sound and fury that signifieth nothing’

Like new homes and plentiful reservoirs, everyone likes the idea of cheaper energy in theory, but Not In My Bank Yard

It was a faltering start for Jacob Rees-mogg. He’d mislaid his reply to Ed Miliband’s urgent question about fracking. “Is there another copy he can have?” bellowed the Speaker as the Business Secretary shuffled frantically through his notes, to hoots of laughter from Labour MPS.

Eventually, Mr Rees-mogg stood up and hailed the revival of fracking. But it drew only an indifferent murmur of support – a low-frequency tremor, the kind the moratorium was supposed to stamp out. Turn-out on the Tory benches was noticeably poor too, save for the front bench, suggesting a last-minute call for reinforcements. Certainly, the presence of Peter Bone, the veteran backbench haranguer flanking a Secretary of State was a disconcerting experience, like seeing a squirrel water-skiing or a German doing stand-up comedy. And it proved a foretaste of things to come.

Ed Miliband may be shadow energy secretary now but it’s always hard to forget his pioneering stint as the first major party leader to look like he was created by Jim Henson as part of The Muppets. (Of course, where he led, others followed – now all of them do.) But the shadow secretary, somewhat blasé about domestic energy production for one with two kitchens to maintain, replied with adenoidal certainty. “We will hang their broken promise around their necks in every part of the country,” he fumed.

Mr Rees-mogg is perhaps not the minister you’d choose for winning hearts and minds via the common touch. He assumed the tone of a dowager duchess who had just walked in on an butler doing something unspeakable to a soup tureen. “Mr Speaker,” he drawled. “There was plenty of energy in that, but it was more sound and fury that signifieth nothing.

“It is sheer Ludditery that opposes it,” he continued, causing squawks of outrage on both sides of the House.

“There’s nothing Luddite about the people of Lancashire or Fylde,” glowered Mark Menzies, a Tory.

“I’m sensing some tremors of dissent on the opposite benches,” said Simon Lightwood of Labour. And he wasn’t wrong. An intervention came from Sir Greg Knight of East Yorkshire – hitherto best known for his catchy jingle, inexplicably released during the 2017 general election (“You’ll get accountability, with Conservative delivery. Make sure this time you get it right, vote for Greg Kniiiiiight!”). But this reply had teeth. “Is he aware the safety of the public is not a currency on which some of us choose to speculate?” Ooh-er.

After wall-to-wall dissent from across the House, Sir Robert Syms threw the Government a bung, by welcoming fracking in principle at least. Andrew Bridgen came out swinging too: “The best available time to start is immediately”. (“Rubbish!” yelled Sir Greg.) Eventually, Richard Burgon, the Tories’ most prized intelligence asset on the Opposition bench, also did Mr Rees-mogg a favour by disagreeing vehemently with him.

Naturally, the SNP pooh-poohed it too, causing Mr Rees-mogg to chuckle to himself.

Catherine West of Labour asked if the U-turn was linked to any “dark money” donated during the leadership campaign. “Balderdash,” he scoffed. “Some of the opposition to fracking has been funded by Mr Putin’s regime.” Mr Miliband took great umbrage at this, calling it “shameful and disgraceful”, an “absolutely outrageous slur” on Twitter. (Unfortunately for him, Mr Rees-mogg turned out to be right.)

During the session MPS invoked science, safety and much else – but really this was a tale as old as time. Like new homes and plentiful reservoirs, everyone likes the idea of cheaper energy in theory, but Not In My Back Yard, thank you very much.