Didn’t your mother tell you that she always knows best?

Here’s a litmus test that will separate the men from the boys. A senior aide to Japan’s prime minister has apologised for putting his hands in his pockets during an official trip to the US, after his mother scolded him and told him she was “ashamed” of him. She also suggested that he sew shut the aforementioned pockets to avoid temptation in future. Oh, and if it helps your decision-making process, the aide, Seiji Kihara, is not only the deputy chief cabinet secretary, but 52 years old.

So should she pipe down or should he close up? The correct answer, of course, is: do what your damn mother tells you. Because when it comes to optics on the international stage, your wedding day or your first date, she is always right. And if not entirely beyond-allshadow right, then at the very least a lot righter than you, sunshine.

I’m glad Kihara was man enough to apologise like a little boy. But while this particular battle may have been won, the incivility war rages on. Young people (I love the idea of still being an enfant terrible past 50) have always pushed the boundaries of what’s acceptable. They are hardwired to slouch, mumble and look bored. I’m sure Horace epistled about that very subject. Or maybe it was Nanny Mcphee? Either way, a certain amount of leeway is often afforded to the next generation, whether it recognises the concession or not.

But there comes a point where established etiquette takes precedence over personal choice, and “feeling comfortable” comes second to “looking the part”. I believe the concept of looking smart, acting smarter and recognising the dignity of an occasion is what’s mockingly described these days as “adulting”. Not to be confused with a juvenile refusal to do what is expected – simply because it is expected. Hands in pockets isn’t big, clever or funny. It’s not a subliminal signal that you are cool, a maverick or simply above the clichés of pomp and protocol. It’s rude. It’s embarrassing.

Wiser heads, needless to say, have always watched in despair and exasperation as their successors sought to rewrite the rule books on pretty much everything. And yes, times do change. But slowly. And only to a degree. Queen Elizabeth, the late Queen Mother, is said to have once warned the late Queen that informal poses, showing the royal hands thrust into pockets, would have the power to “bring the monarchy down”.

There is a picture of just such a relaxed, smiling moment in Angela Kelly’s memoir, The Other Side of the Coin: the Queen, the Dresser and the Wardrobe. Her late Majesty looks radiant in her white dress, but this was a rare shot; she always looked and behaved impeccably in public. Unfortunately the Duchess of Sussex, a self-confessed “hugger” with a casual (verging on contrarian) approach to life in the Firm, found herself heavily criticised for having the temerity to put her hands in her pockets on official occasions. Did nobody tell her? Or was it just a case of Meghan getting what Meghan wanted?

Pockets have their place. Brides magazine last year devoted acres of space to wedding gowns with pockets and, contrary to expectations, they didn’t look awful. Utility meets beauty – and somewhere to hide a stick of lip balm or peppermint. But no mother on the planet would let her child, whether bride or groom, pose for their Big Day pictures with their hands dug deep. Pockets of resistance are futile. follow read more