Gyles Brandreth and Basil Brush will be last standing in BBC Leftie exit

Britain faces three existential threats: Russia, China and Gary Lineker. The Prime Minister was in California to sort out the first two, signing a new nuclear submarine deal. The Aussies will provide the subs, the Americans the atomic technology, and Britain will be manufacturing the digital watch worn by the captain.

Alas this was overshadowed by Mr Lineker’s pre-emptive strike, withdrawing his labour from Match of

the Day and triggering a wave of walkouts across the corporation.

The problem is that if every socialist downs tools at the BBC, you’ll be left with MOTD hosted by Gyles Brandreth and Basil Brush. So Tim Davie caved in and Gary agreed to return to work with no fuss – because this was never about him – just an understanding that every time he appears on screen, they CGI-IN a halo.

Rishi rang the Home Secretary. “I’m handling the communists,” he said, “can you deal with Lineker?”

“What would you prefer, boss,” asked Braverman, “let down his tyres or brick through a window?”

She gave a speech for the ages, at the second reading of the “deport the refugees” Bill – addressed ostensibly to “the members opposite”, but might as well have been written in letters cut out of a newspaper and posted to Mr Lineker pinned to a dead rabbit.

Speaking as the child of immigrants, she said, “I’m deeply grateful to live here” but we have simply had “too much” immigration. There were boos from the Opposition; jaws on the floor. She continued: “Unwanted and illegal migration is simply bad.” For pointing out the obvious, she is “subject to the most grotesque slurs” by “out of touch Lefties”.

Who could she have been talking about? “I don’t know, Gyles,” said Basil as he reviewed the playback, “but you’ve got to admire how she puts Labour on the defensive.”

Never mind, as Clive Lewis pointed out, the Bill is likely to come undone in the courts or the Government has no country to return the so-called illegal migrants to (Rwanda only intends to take 200). By pledging to control migration, the Tories force the Left to admit that it doesn’t want to, and that it thinks all efforts to try are a bit fascist.

Tom Hunt asked Yvette Cooper if she agreed with Sir Keir Starmer’s ancient quote that “there is a racist undercurrent that permeates all immigration law”.

One could also have read out that Lineker tweet. The Government talks like the Nazis, he implied. Can we infer that people who vote for the Tories, i.e. BBC viewers, think like Nazis?

We have got to fix the refugee crisis, said Richard Graham, because if we don’t, the backlash will be felt greatest among ethnic minorities – not, he said as the SNP jeered him, among SNP MPS who “don’t have asylum seekers in their constituencies”.

This triggered one of those glorious Nat meltdowns that, when it goes off, can be detected on Geiger counters in Sweden. “How dare you!” screamed Alison Thewliss, “How dare you!”

But Braverman confirmed that “until recently it was only Glasgow that was taking asylum seekers”.

Another own goal by the virtuesignalling Left.

Gary agreed to return to work with understanding that every time he appears they CGI-IN a halo