‘I almost quit rugby after red card in World Cup final’
Lydia Thompson is taking tentative first steps in returning to action after agony of England sending-off, writes Fiona Tomas
Lydia Thompson never thought she would be able to do this interview, such is the guilt and shame that has consumed her for months. She has wondered what words she should use, fearful of how they will be received.
Only now, sitting in St George’s Park in Burton, where England are finalising preparations for their Women’s Six Nations campaign, is the Red Roses winger ready to speak about the fateful moment when she was sent off in last year’s World Cup final.
It was in the 18th minute that New Zealand’s Portia Woodman, flying down the touchline, was hit high by Thompson. The dangerous tackle, which left Woodman unconscious, was Thompson’s first red card. After she traipsed off the pitch, England’s World Cup dream slipped away.
“I didn’t think people would be able to look at me, let alone talk to me ever again,” Thompson says, her voice quivering with emotion. “I felt responsible for injuring another player, which is horrible. Obviously, Portia is back tearing it up on the sevens circuit, which is great to see. My memory of seeing her down on the pitch was such an awful, awful feeling.
“I saw her go down and saw how quick the doctor was on her. Then I went numb. I genuinely felt like I wasn’t there anymore. I sat on the subs’ bench. My body shut down. I couldn’t feel anything. It was probably a protective way of dealing with it. I just felt empty.”
There are days when Thompson still blames herself for what happened. Days when she agonises over why she did not go lower. And days when she still finds herself stuck in a vicious cycle of “What if?” thoughts.
She was disconsolate after the final whistle at Eden Park. Opponents mumbled words of consolation that she cannot remember. Everything passed by in a blur, but the overriding memory is of how her England team-mates rallied around her. “I was trying to hold it together, but I couldn’t,” Thompson recalls. “I was just crying. I was such a mess. I couldn’t take in information. People were being kind to me and said some really lovely things. I was so angry with myself and ready for everyone to turn to me and go, ‘You’ve lost us that’. That’s how I felt.”
After arriving home, Thompson switched off her phone and logged out of social media, but being sent cards and letters from the rugby community provided solace. “As players, as people, we make mistakes on and off the pitch, but knowing that you’ve got that rugby family prepared to reach out, I was hugely grateful,” she says.
The thought, however, of stepping back into her home gym or picking up a rugby ball filled her with dread. Instead, she turned to her favourite pastimes – climbing and golf – and even signed up to shifts at her family’s metal manufacturing business. “I needed structure and a routine, to help me get out of bed and do the simple things,” Thompson says. “I could have easily slipped into withdrawing from the world and letting my thoughts paralyse me.”
With her confidence shattered, she visited Jo Yapp, her club coach at Worcester, to deliver her retirement speech. “I was pretty certain I was going to say to her, ‘Thanks for being a great coach. I’m hanging up my boots, I can’t do this anymore,’” Thompson says. “I couldn’t even envisage myself walking back into a rugby environment. I thought it would be too hard. Jo was so patient and supportive. She was really compassionate and we took each week as it came. I never thought I’d be putting my boots back on.”
Yapp – along with Thompson’s family and, in particular, her husband, Tom – convinced her to carry on. Having trained in occupational therapy before becoming a professional rugby player, Thompson leaned on the long-time support of a trusted clinical psychologist who specialised in acceptance and commitment therapy.
That proved invaluable when, in December, she plucked up the courage to return to Worcester for a skills session. “I cried all the way to training. I didn’t think I’d be able to get out of the car,” Thompson says, this time choking back tears. “I was like, ‘Right, I’ve got to training, I’ll go home again’. It was such a huge step just to drive there. I just couldn’t see myself getting out of the car. But as I walked in, people turned around and went, ‘Hi!’ and carried on. They were so welcoming and kind. That was the first time I’d picked up a rugby ball [since the World Cup], in that skills session.”
She was convinced a 20-minute cameo during Worcester’s 53-5 thrashing of DMP Sharks in January would be her last game but she has continued to take to the pitch. She is learning to appreciate the simple things, such as celebrating with her teammates and taking pride in the stubborn cut on the ridge of her nose – her latest battle scar from the pitch – which, like her, will heal in time.
“I hope I’m going to be in an even better place in a few months’ time,” Thompson says. “I’m still on that journey. Just getting back out for Worcester was awesome and reminded me of why I play rugby.
“I have to set myself really simple goals each week. I don’t have a big expectation of myself. I’ve just been enjoying it week by week with Worcester. If it’s meant to be, hopefully I’ll put myself in a place where I can perform in the white shirt again.”