Have TV historians learned nothing from Cunk on Britain?
In Cunk on Britain, TV’S peerless spoof of history documentaries, Philomena Cunk tackled Henry VIII. “This is Hampton Court Palace, a building so impressive it has to be accompanied by harpsichord music,” she said solemnly, as the soundtrack started tootling. Inside, gazing at a portrait of Henry, she asked: “But why is he the king we all still remember – unlike, say, Richard V? Well, for one thing, he was fat, so he takes up more room in the memory.”
If you have watched Cunk on Britain, it’s impossible to get it out of your head when watching something like Fortress Britain with Alice Roberts (Channel 4, Saturday). It sticks rigidly to the format: Roberts or her co-presenters stand outside a castle or beside a cannon, make some sweeping statements about Britain, then ask questions of assorted experts.
Roberts’s opening to a piece about Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon was pure Cunk: “We’re very familiar with high-profile divorces – Russell Brand and Katy Perry, Melinda and Bill Gates, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. But imagine a divorce so tumultuous that it puts an entire country against its continental neighbours…”
What followed was a bog standard, uninspired history lesson which didn’t stick to the advertised brief – documenting Britain’s “obsession with invasion” – but instead took us through Henry VIII’S reign minus most of the wives: the Field of the Cloth of Gold, Anne Boleyn, the Reformation.
Along the way, Roberts and her deputies, Prof Danielle George and Dr Onyeka Nubia, met experts who had potentially interesting things to say about the Mary Rose and the Battle of the Solent. But these meetings were too brief. In the blurb for the programme, the producers hailed Roberts for making British history “accessible and relevant for contemporary audiences”, which means keeping things extremely simple.
There was no thesis underpinning the episode but we did get a laboured Brexit reference at the end: “While Henry forcefully voted to leave rather than to remain, the country he left behind couldn’t make a clean break from its European neighbours.” It ended, bafflingly, with Roberts saying of Henry: “He certainly divides opinion but, love him or hate him…” Eh? I’ve never met anyone who loved or hated Henry VIII. Never mind Cunk, this is history as written by a chatbot.
What would you do for £25,000? In Tempting Fortune (Channel 4, Sunday), the latest argumentative reality show, 12 contestants are asked to embark on an “unforgiving 18-day trek” across
South Africa’s eastern cape. It involves camping and some very rudimentary toilet facilities.
The prize fund is in one £300,000 pot, and the twist is that the contestants will be offered luxuries along the way which they can buy for themselves, thus depleting the total. These luxuries are pegged at silly prices: £1,500 for a burger and fries, for example, or £3,000 for a night in a proper bed.
At first, you think: well, 18 days is hardly a lifetime, so only the selfish will put their own comforts above the needs of the group. Some of the people here have been cast to fulfil this function. Lani, 33, complains within minutes of setting off that she misses her smartphone and lip gloss, and wails when required to climb a sand dune. “I don’t care about teamwork. If I want something, why can’t I have it?” she demands. She buys a £500 milkshake at the first opportunity. Another pair – an influencer and a content creator, inevitably – retch at the taste of the I’m a Celebrity-style rice and beans, which look perfectly edible. All of these people need to be forcibly enlisted to the Army.
But then there is Carolynne, a retired nurse who has been widowed twice – once in her 20s, while seven months pregnant – and she is here for the adventure. Along with the rest of the group, she passes up the temptation of an £8,000 safari experience but admits that, if offered it later in the show, she’s going to take it. Her argument is that she has always dreamed of a safari and is unlikely ever to get the chance again. And that makes more sense to her than trying to win a slice of the prize money in order to spend it on a safari holiday. Both Carolynne and Lani have decided to use the show as a free holiday, rather than try to win the biggest prize pot, which is quite interesting.
Otherwise it’s formulaic and the casting is uninspired. There seem to be three Americans among these British contestants, one of whom is a former basketball player who swiftly appoints himself as leader of the group. Oh, I almost forgot to mention the presenter. It’s Paddy Mcguinness, in a pointless role that involves telling us the rules several times over. You’ll be tempted to switch off.
Fortress Britain ★★ Tempting Fortune ★★