Strengthening resolve

While resolutions to diet and exercise might aid the hunt for romance, Eve Jones has concluded that supporting others is more worthwhile – and definitely more achievable

My New year’s resolutions usually involve being less piggy and exercising more, with a view to becoming an irresistible goddess (in turn to woo a hunk). So, effectively, self improvement with a view to getting some romantic action. I usually pledge to watch my mouth, too, because I swear like a trooper and I don’t think that helps the cause. I can think of few resolutions that I’ve kept or that have benefitted another living soul.

Writing a column, particularly when you’re a born show-off, enables you to become progressively self absorbed. Given a platform to explore your first-world problems publicly each month is fantastic for homing in on how spoiled you are. After rereading some of my recent grumbles, I did start to see the basis of the expression, “you don’t know you’re born” and thought this might be the year to gain some perspective.

In 2018, I accepted an invitation to a London party to celebrate the launch of a £500 grooming kit. Meanwhile, my incredible sister-in-law, Jo Jones, set up Beauty Banks, a charity that provides for those who simply can’t afford basic beauty and sanitary products, the things most of us take for granted, things that offer people health and dignity. To not have the means to buy deodorant or soap is a pretty sobering thought, particularly when you consider the money being spent on mane and tail conditioner, or polishing ponies’ hooves with glitter, across the country.

A very different cause launched in 2018 was the British Game Alliance, an official marketing board for the game industry. It asks shoot members to donate a voluntary levy of 50p per bird shot. Multiple times I have heard keen shots grumbling about this at dinner parties or even during elevenses, suggesting they’re being stung twice. Well, I truly think if you enjoy your shooting you have a responsibility to the countryside and the people whose livelihoods depend on the industry. The repercussions of shooting disappearing will stretch farther than you missing your sport.

I’m not saying we all should be playing the martyr. In fact, I’m all for helping myself at the same time. As soon as you start to think about it you realise there are probably a hundred things you could be doing with basically no effort. I walked along the Great Wall of China for five days two years back to raise money for the Children’s Society. I thought it would be a jolly, to be honest, but I still have a dodgy knee from the slog and the horrors of Beijing toilets now haunt me. A luxury Patria GB scarf – supporting British Armed Forces charities – on the birthday list is far less drastic and no less worthy. Similarly, a local groom clipped 100 horses in 12 hours last year, fundraising for mental health charity Mind. It was a world record and raised £11,500 while saving 100 owners from the most miserable grooming job: win win.

While charities undoubtedly need support, part of the reason I have been pondering all this, however, is that over the past few months I’ve become aware that some people very dear to me have been affected by mental health issues, to varying degrees. With the New year approaching, I started thinking how very lucky I am not to share their struggles.

A while back I stood waiting for the tube station to open and a young, homeless girl, 20 perhaps, was asking commuters for money. Everyone looked through her as though she was invisible. I only had a £20 note cash on me but said I’d buy her a coffee. I came out of Starbucks about £22 lighter in the end, but what struck me about her was that she was a sober, bright and articulate girl from rural Devon, with a dog that was clearly her world. I couldn’t compute how this young woman had got there. There could be any number of reasons, of course, but it’s only recently struck me how life circumstances or, particularly, mental health problems can isolate a person and how lonely or exhausting that can be. Apparently, one in four people will suffer from a mental health problem and many of those people will have no-one to speak to about it. I wondered if perhaps that girl had been lent an ear whether her life’s direction might have changed.

Having a column is really quite cathartic. It allows you to unload, to voice your worries to everyone yet no-one at the same time. To be self-deprecating and imagine someone is sympathising. They say a problem shared is a problem halved. I have been sharing the tumbleweeds swirling around my knicker draw and more with you for more than two years and, in a weird way, thinking you Field readers may be sharing what a disaster I am somehow softens the blow. I joke in part but, in seriousness, just having an ear – or the notion of it, be it from friends or readers – is a comfort and the thought of being unable to talk to anyone is, frankly, terrifying.

So, back to resolutions. There’s no reason I can’t still aim for body perfection, I suppose, but, in reality, it’s more achievable to think of someone else instead. Be that by buying extra shampoo to donate to the Beauty Bank or putting a tenner in the BGA collection box as it’s passed around at a shoot. Easiest of all, and perhaps most important, I’ll be checking in with people. I’m not pretending to be an expert but hope that a quick hello or a cup of tea and a chat over the days, weeks and months might help someone who is finding life a bit tougher than me face their own New year with some bolstered resolve.

I can still aim for body perfection, I suppose, but it’s more achievable to think of someone else instead