Team mates
David Stockdale
Best mate at the club? Casper Ankergren is my best mate because he’s just as stupid as me. I sit next to him in the changing room and at the training ground. It’s him or Glenn Murray. It’s comes down to where we sit and who we talk to really. I hear Glenn on the coach a lot because he’s a Northern lad. Last to buy dinner? I’m probably quickest. I’m always first. I’m trying to think about who was at dinner the other night. Kazenga LuaLua often sits closest to the door, so he can get out quickly. Worst dressed? Jiri Skalak came in Crocs once. He’s a grown man wearing Crocs and he just came into the training ground with them on. For that, he goes down as the worst-dressed ever, just for wearing them. Dressing room DJ? Bruno Saltor, but we do it as a team. It’s not just his music. He gets two songs from everyone and it all goes on a playlist, so we’ve got a bit of everything. There’s a bit of African banter, a bit of Elvis, all sorts of stuff. I can’t tell you my pick; it’s a secret. Its R&B – that’s all I can tell you. Late for training? Kazenga Lua Lua or Casper Ankergren. They’re late all the time. They’re not late out on to the football pitch at training, but sometimes they don’t manage to get out of bed on time, shall we say. Teacher’s pet? Beram Kayal, but that’s a private inside joke from last year. He will understand as soon as I show him this article. First on the dance floor? Liam Rosenior and his moves are quite good actually. He’s actually less stiff than on the football pitch, which is surprising. You’d have to see him to believe it, but he’s got moves. He likes finding people to dance off against. Most likely to disgrace themselves at the Christmas party? This could be multiple people. Casper is a good one again. You can probably see why he’s my best mate now. Anthony Knockaert can do funny things, too, so I’ll say him as well. Worst tattoo? I wouldn’t say there’s a bad one in the squad, but I’ll say Casper again just to wind him up. He’s got one decent one, which looks like a Danish tribal mark or something. Partial to a sunbed? Steve Sidwell has the best tan. He goes the best shade of orangey-brown and he’s never used a sun bed, apparently. He looks like a shiny polished wood floor, like a perfectly pristine wood floor. It’s unbelievable. He’s never been on a sun bed in his life and his boys are like it, too. Going to make the best manager? Liam Rosenior. He loves football. Not that the rest of us don’t love football, but he watches every possible game that’s on. He knows what he’s talking about. I’ll say Bruno Saltor, as well, because he knows his stuff too.