In memory of Mum
Antoni Anderson [right] summited his second round of the Munros on the first anniversary of his mother’s passing. In an abridged version of this month’s reader letter, he shares how the mountains have become a place of remembrance and recovery...
The first mountain I summited was Ben Nevis, with my dad just before I turned
13. I was wearing a pair of trainers and a jacket tied around my waist with my lunch in a plastic bag. I’m not sure I would approve now! It was the first time I’d seen a 360-degree panorama like that. Mum sat in the car reading magazines, looking on from afar. She would adopt that role from then on, keen to hear stories and see photographs. Dad told me days before he passed away how much he enjoyed our time and wished he’d gotten out more often.
I ‘compleated’ my first round in 2009 just before the age of 40, traversing the Cuillin Ridge. My first round had been full of wonder, discovery, new experiences and energy. But this journey would soon feel a lot more grown-up, more serious. My dad passed away from lung cancer in February 2012. Since then, I’ve struggled with grief and recovery. I remember going onto
Meall nan Tarmachan the week before his funeral to try to process and prepare. Mountains became places I could retreat to. I’ve realised they are no panacea, but perhaps spaces that help us feel.
This August, I was back on the Cuillin to finish my second round on Sgurr Dubh Mhor. The date was significant as it was the first anniversary of Mum passing away from bowel cancer. I remember heading to the Loch Monar Hills the week after her funeral. I felt I needed to get away. I took my dog Stri with me for company. In truth, I was in no fit state. I was exhausted both physically and mentally. As I dropped down from Lurg Mhor to set up camp I was physically halted by the grief. Creating a new memory for the date of her passing seemed the right thing to do. The weather was stunning with the Cuillin opening up in front of me. As I soaked in the view, I raised a dram to both Mum and Dad, thanking them for introducing me to these high places.
Since returning home I’ve become conscious that these 13 years haven’t just been about 282 peaks. This mountain journey has been a prism through which I’ve viewed joy and hope and fear and loss. Antoni Anderson (@antonianderson, Twitter)