Knowing how my act can go, it was a punchy call to agree to do a bar mitzvah in a posh London hotel. I didn’t know the family, but they’d asked for me specifically and assured me I should do my usual thing. There were lots of kids there, so I thought I’d keep it clean but play to the adults and the kids could enjoy the funny visuals. I attached the Velcro straps of my ventriloquist face mask around the locks of a family member from the head table and went sailing off into an improv about how she was on the prowl for a new man: “No man in here is safe from me now, cos I’m leaving my boring husband!” It didn’t go down well. The woman stiffened beneath the mask as it started to seem more like a muzzle. Maybe not the best seam to plough on regardless, but worse to find out later I had stumbled on a truth, of which lots of the guests were aware.