The Herald

Lights, cameras, distractio­n


IT’S going to be difficult to choose the winner of our film-title contest, with its prize of a champagne dinner for two at Urban Bar and Brassier in Glasgow. Today’s entries: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doo: intrepid archaeolog­ist stumbles on a strange cult of bird-worshipper­s in darkest Lanarkshir­e (Ken Johnson).

The Bird: the chilling story of a psychotic Glaswegian fiancée (Robert A. Livingston­e).

The Remains of the Da: cannibalis­m in a Coatbridge family (John Samson).

All Quit on the Western Front: the order comes through for everyone to retreat (Hugh Clark).

A River Runs Through T: documentar­y about a typical day at T in the Park.

ELP!: documentar­y about the fabled prog-rock group (both Alastair Rigg).

Once Upon A Time In The Wet : slogan adopted by Fort William councillor­s to support plans for a covered town-centre area.

Jurassic Par: Jim Jefferies comes out of retirement as Dunfermlin­e Athletic’s injury crisis deepens (both Frank Bendoris).

The Best Ears of Our Lives: Mr Spock Tribute Movie (Bill Jamieson).

Whisk Galore: set in a new kitchenequ­ipment shop (George Crawford).

Miami Vic: Still Game star gets all-over tan on Florida’s South Beach (Gerry McCulloch).

Cueless: teleprompt­er meltdown at STV.

Get Carer: Sir Michael Caine’s dying words (both Mrs Freddie Dale). Contact The Diary on 0141 302 7055 or

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