Brought to book

VISITING his local library, reader Kurt Mcgill asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia. She whispered back: “They’re right behind you.”

MADCAP malapropisms, continued. When the husband of Rosemary Parker was in hospital for a knee replacement, other patients in the ward were having difficulties with their waterworks after surgery. An old chap at one end of the room piped up:

“Don’t worry lads, I’ve been here afore. If ye canny pee, they’ll gie you a temporary cataract.”

Deadly mistake

CLEARLY struggling with ongoing work, Glasgow crime scribe Denise Mina says: “It’s a bad writing day when men are dying after falling into commas.”

Streaming service

“I LOVE the scenery round mountain lakes,” says reader Jennifer Davis. “Some are absolutely gorges.”