Rubbish date

A REGULAR in an Ayrshire pub told us there was a surprise when one of the other imbibers announced he was taking his wife to the pictures, as no one in the pub could recall him ever accompanying his wife on such an occasion.

When they asked him what prompted this, he replied: “She told me that I took the bins out more often than her. And I couldn’t argue with her logic.”

Doesn’t add up

A PRIMARY teacher told us he was concerned about how much television featured in the lives of his little charges. He asked one pupil: “What’s 41 and 70?”

The tot replied: “Sky Sports and CBBC channels.”

Fast finances

AT a time when the budget was being widely discussed, a reader was asked by a colleague at work: “If the economy’s slowing down, how come it’s so hard for me to keep up with it?”

Mind your language

A GLASGOW pub pontificator was once heard to mutter: “Why do people never admit to being just the right amount of whelmed?”