Issue of the day Black marks for Musk’s blue tick

IT’S been a rough time for 51-year-old edgelord Elon Musk since he completed his $44bn takeover of Twitter.

The rollout of its new subscription service has been patchy to say the least, deluged as it has been by fake accounts and “this MF paid for Twitter” memes.

As the owner of Tesla, Musk is used to a smoother ride than this but things have just got even worse – Balenciaga has quit his social media site.

Who or what is Balenciaga? Balenciaga is a high-end fashion retailer, founded in San Sebastian. They’re currently selling a combined high-heeled shoe and Adidas sock for £1,050.

So they sell overpriced nonsense to idiots?

Yes, so you’d think they and Musk would be a match made in heaven.

Why did they quit Twitter?

They’ve yet to elaborate but it’s probably to do with the changes Musk has made. His Twitter Blue asks users to pay $8 a month for a verification check, previously afforded to brands, celebrities, politicians and other notable figures.

Paying just to use Twitter?

Musk initially announced it was going to be $20 but Stephen King talked him out of it.

Surely bestselling author Stephen King can afford $8 a month?

He may be well-off but that doesn’t mean he just throws his money away. You might even say he’s penny-wise.

That’s a terrible joke. I know, I’m sorry.

So what’s been happening with this blue check stuff?

All sorts of things. Someone posing as a pharma giant tweeted “insulin is free” with a verified check mark and it caused the company’s stock to tank. Elsewhere we’ve seen fake Tony Blair and fake George W Bush reminiscing fondly about the Iraq War and a bogus Coca-cola account stating that drinking the stuff increases your risk of cancer by 67%.

Oh yeah, I actually saw an Elon Musk impersonator posting a poll asking if Twitter was “better, worse or LMAO”

No, that was actually 51-year-old richest man in the world Elon Musk.

How many people have signed up to pay for Twitter Blue?

Around 61,000 as of last week. Musk wants to generate half of the company’s revenue via paid subscribers.

And what percentage of users have signed up?

About 0.025 per cent. The average conversion rate in e-commerce is 2-3%.

Doesn’t sound great, what else has Elon got up his sleeve? He’s long talked about a plan that would see humans, presumably the world’s wealthiest ones, colonise Mars. Because, quote, “we don’t want to be one of those single-planet species”.

Let’s hope it goes as well as Twitter...

You said that, I couldn’t possibly comment.