Due to laws of physics beyond my ken this makes the bike lean right

EVER had bruised ribs? I don’t recommend them. I cracked a rib a few years ago tumbling down a gully while fleeing a whiteout on top of the Five Sisters of Kintail. For about a month I was in bits every time I so much as coughed or breathed deeply.

You’d think a man of my years would learn, but no. Two weeks ago I did myself a mischief during a sea kayaking exercise on the Gare Loch with the honourable Hugh and Geoff of Helensburgh Canoe Club.

Repeatedly hauling the best part of 90kg out of the chilly water and on to the rear of the kayak during an ultimately disappointing self-rescue did for the ribcage on my righthand side.

Two days later the adrenaline had worn off and I thought I’d been zealously thumped in the night by her nibs in an attempt to arrest my snoring.

It means for the next few weeks golf is out of the question, as is any form of exercise that involves twisting my core. Bah.

Fortunately, riding a motorcycle – or, more precisely, riding one the way I do – doesn’t appear to require much in the way of twisting my body. (Let’s face it, Valentino Rossi I ain’t.)

Twisting bends, however, are another matter. The latest instalment of my advanced riding course found myself and my fellow neophyte Richard barrelling back and forth with growing confidence through a pair of sharp left and right-hand bends betwixt the outer reaches of Paisley and Elderslie in an attempt to master the crucial art of countersteering.

I say crucial, since our Jedi master Stephen insists that greater powers flow once countersteering has found a permanent place in our riding lexicon.

The practice boils down to this: to turn the bike to the right you nudge the right-hand handlebar away from you, as you would when steering left. Likewise, to turn the bike to the left you push away the left-hand handlebar, as you would if steering right. Self-evidently, when you push the righthand handlebar away from you the front wheel points to the left, the simple fact of which makes it feel utterly counterintuitive. You don’t want to die. Not yet. But due to laws of physics beyond my ken, this makes the bike lean to the right.

Got it? Neither do I.

I wouldn’t bother googling it if I were you – there’s much use of phrases such as “gyroscopic effect” and talk of lean angles but little clarity. It’s something you have to feel, not think about.

As with many aspects of motorcycling, if you can shake the fear and tension that are natural responses to countersteering it becomes much easier to accomplish.

When you start to develop a sense of how the bike reacts to countersteering it begins to make sublime sense. Tight corners become less threatening. You negotiate road defects more skilfully. More significantly, you start to look – and feel – like someone who knows what he is doing. Until you sneeze and feel the cumulative pain of a thousand stab wounds to the ribs.

Bloody sea kayaks! The Vauxhall Corsa will no longer be available with a diesel engine