What it feels like to ... TELL YOUR KIDS YOU ARE GAY

JONATHAN DALY

ICAME out five years ago, I told my kids first as they are the most important thing to me. Since I didn’t come out until quite late in life, my kids were a bit older, my younger daughter was 18 and the other was 22. They were fine about the whole thing. I think culturally and socially it’s something that they are aware of and exposed to. It’s something that is much more common for them and so they don’t really think about it as a major thing. They are happy if I am happy.

Lots of people are still homophobic today and I was concerned about the views of my family and friends and my work colleagues. There’s a culture and expectation to live a straight life and that was a factor in why I didn’t

come out earlier, but in the end it was definitely my choice to come out. I didn’t feel pressured, it was something that I wanted to do it wasn’t that I wanted to make a big statement about it, I just wanted to let people know.

Of course I was worried that it was going to have a negative impact on my kids and that’s probably one of the main reasons I didn’t come out when they were younger. There were difficult times, when I got divorced from their mum, that was probably worse for them, but they were younger then. I don’t think being gay has changed my relationship with them, it hasn’t had any negative effect.

I’m married now to Gareth. My kids had met him before, so they had been able to build a good relationship with him. I was in America at the time that we got engaged, so I phoned them from there to tell them that we were getting married. Both of my daughters were pleased for me and really happy about the whole thing. They just wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing by getting married, that I was making the right decision.

For Father’s Day they’ve always bought me cards and little gifts, that kind of thing, and they haven’t changed. Being gay hasn’t affected any of that. I’m lucky in that way. I’ve got really amazing daughters that are quite easygoing about everything. Our bond has only become stronger as they have got older and we have all got a little wiser.

It’s a difficult decision to come out when you have children as what you do affects them. I would advise all people in this situation to be brave and realise, through my experience, that your fear of a bad reaction from those around you is never as bad as you think. I think it’s also important for your wellbeing and your relationships with others that you can be open about your sexuality. That’s why I think it’s important that people in the public eye come out, especially when these people are role models. Others will see that being gay is not something that is abnormal. I would like to see the day where there is no expectation to be straight and people won’t have to come out.

Jonathan Daly with his husband Gareth and daughters Lauren and Megan