My husband is very aggressive to me

MY husband has a real split personality. He goes out of his way to help other people all the time. As a result, everyone thinks he is such a gentle, kind and thoughtful man.

When he’s alone with me, he is aggressive and hurtful, yet in public, he is affectionate and caring. He’ll get through a bottle of whisky every two or three days and consumes huge quantities of beer and lager. When he gets drunk – which is most days – he blames me for everything that has ever gone wrong in his life.

His mood swings are getting worse, and I just don’t understand how he can be like this with me and so different with other people. What should I do? I’m so depressed and I cry most days.

FIONA SAYS: There’s clearly something seriously wrong in this relationship, and most people, knowing what you’re going through, would think the easy solution is to leave. You are faced with all manner of barriers – emotional, financial, and logistical – to be overcome first. I have no doubt you love this man, or at least you love the man you thought he was and know he could be, and therein lies part of the problem.

Are you hoping that something will happen to turn this aggressive, bullying drunk into the charming man that others see?

Alcoholism is a disease, and while millions of people have learned how to control their drinking, unfortunately, some never do.

The steps you need to take to walk away may be hard, but you cannot continue to live a life like this, which is damaging you and is ruining your life. Other people may not understand, not knowing how he is with you in private, but that doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you’re safe and healthy, both mentally and physically, and that’s not going to happen as long as you stay with this man.

DAUGHTER’S WEALTHY BOYFRIEND MAKES ME FEEL BAD

I’ve worked hard to raise my family and even though money was always tight, my three children were always fed and warm, much loved and cared for. For the past year, my 19-year-old daughter has been going out with a young man whose family is very wealthy and she never stops talking about what they are able to do with this money.

It’s a succession of luxury cars, exotic holidays and a huge house, and it feels as though she’s trying to get at me for never having been able to provide these things for her when she was a child. I’m not sure if this is the case, but I do know that it’s beginning to get to me.

I like the young man she’s seeing very much, but the longer this goes on, the harder it gets for me to stay positive about him.

FIONA SAYS: Your daughter probably has no idea how this is making you feel, and I expect she is dazzled by the luxury of things she has never had but I am sure she doesn’t mean to hurt you.

As she matures, I am sure she will come to realise the importance and value of a secure childhood and a loving family. Or perhaps she does already.

So don’t turn against this young man or give your daughter a lecture about all you have done for her. Just quietly point out to her that as she knows you have so little, she might want to consider talking a little less about their money and possessions and a little more about them as a family.