My in-laws are hoarders How can I help them?

MY parents-in-law are lovely people and I get on so well with them. They live in a small cottage in the countryside and I love to go and see them. But the problem is, they never throw anything away. In the last few years, I’ve noticed the same pairs of shoes in the porch, unworn, and new additions simply stacked on top.

They have a garage filled to the brim with nick-nacks, old fridges and white goods which they think will come in handy one day. That day has never arrived – but unfortunately another kind of day has. My father-in-law was recently taken ill with a heart condition, and they now need to clear some space for medical equipment in their home. My mother-in-law sees it as a hassle and hasn’t a clue where to start but needs to do so quickly, so my father-in-law can come home. I’m afraid of offending her but it just has to be done.

FIONA SAYS: Unfortunately, people who are hoarders often find it very hard to break the habit. The idea that something will be useful ‘one day’ is like an obsession that’s hard to break. You don’t say how old your in-laws are but I’m guessing they’re getting on in years, so you could appeal to your mother-inlaw on the basis that she needs to start now, otherwise it will all get too much for her.

Kate Ibbotson, founder of the ‘A

Tidy Mind’, is a professional declutterer and life coach. She believes that if we have too much ‘stuff’ and live in disorder, we lose track of what is and isn’t important. It sounds very much as if your in-laws, and in particular your mother-in-law, has lost track of what is important here – and that is getting her husband home with the equipment he needs.

Ibbotson advises not trying to declutter the whole house all at once, but to pick an area to start and do it in small chunks. Moving forward though, encourage her – and your father-inlaw – to think in terms of one in, one out. Each time you buy something, let go of something else, which not only prevents a build-up of clutter, it will make them really consider each new purchase. Letting go of things they no longer want or need will help give them a new lease of life, and could help others who might need these things instead.

WHY HAS MY HUSBAND GONE DISTANT?

I thought the bad patch my husband and I went through the year before last was over and done with. We went through a phase when we seemed to have gone off each other, and we even talked about divorce. For the sake of the kids though, we gave it another chance and found we still got on well, although maybe not as well as it used to be. That was until a couple of months ago, when my husband seemed to withdraw from me again. He keeps mentioning one of my old boyfriends whose mother lives nearby. I hadn’t given the guy a thought in years.

Something seems to have knocked your husband’s confidence, and perhaps your ex-boyfriend’s mother has said something to him that makes him doubt your feelings. Everything points to him lacking confidence – he is withdrawn, talks about an old boyfriend, hides his body, avoids sex. If he won’t open up and talk to you and talk about it, you need to get help if you want to mend your relationship and save your marriage. You could ask your GP for referral to a counsellor, or contact Relate (relate. org.uk) to talk through your problems.

FIONA SAYS: