My son drinks and gets very aggressive

MY son is 22 and since leaving school, has found it very hard to find and keep jobs. I think the reason for this is that he drinks too much - and when he does, he gets aggressive with everyone. It doesn’t matter if he’s in work or on benefits, he still manages to find money for drink every day.

His father was a violent drunk, and I fear my son may be heading down the same path. He hasn’t hit me yet, but sometimes he looks so angry that I am scared he will. I love him and want to help, but what can I do?

FIONA SAYS: He may or may not be an alcoholic, I think he might be close to becoming one, and if his typical response to drinking like this is to become abusive and aggressive, then he most definitely has a drink problem. What’s more, if he’s starting to direct any of this behaviour at you, then you have a problem too.

I don’t doubt that lots of people drink like your son, the past two years have been stressful for everyone. Many people have turned to alcohol as a way of coping - but just because others do it too, that doesn’t make it right, acceptable, or healthy. Indeed, he is likely already doing damage to his physical and mental health, so please continue to encourage him to get the help he needs.

In the first instance, I suggest he talks with his GP, who should be able to suggest an appropriate source of help. Alternatively, he could approach something like Alcoholics Anonymous (alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk), who he could call or email for advice. There is also a chat service available through the website. He may also find it useful to contact Drinkware (drinkaware. co.uk), which offers a lot of useful support and information. If he refuses to listen to you, is there someone else that he trusts or respects who could talk with him? If that doesn’t work, I’m afraid there is probably little else that you can do at this stage. Watching someone you care about harm themselves is never easy, and you may need help yourself to get through this. Al-Anon Family Groups (al-anonuk.org.uk) offers support and understanding for families and friends of people with a drink problem. I would definitely encourage you to contact them, as you could do with some help and support to get through this too.

HAS HE LOST INTEREST IN ME?

I am 68 and when my husband died five years ago, I thought I would never have another relationship. However, for the past 18 months, I have been seeing a lovely man. When we met, we hit it off right away - so much so that he proposed after only three months.

At the time, I thought he was joking and laughed it off. However, when he looked very upset, I knew I must have hurt him rather badly. It didn’t stop our friendship though and we now spend most of our time together. In fact, I feel lonely when I am not with him and now feel that I love him.

The problem is, he hasn’t asked me again. Do you think he has changed his mind?

FIONA SAYS: He might have - but I think it’s unlikely given that he spends most of his time with you. I suspect it’s far more likely that he was indeed hurt by your response last time and wants to avoid being rejected again. The obvious thing is to simply ask him to marry you. If that seems too forward, you could try apologising for the offhanded way you responded to his marriage proposal.