My parents don’t like my older boyfriend

IAM 24 and currently live at home. For much of the past year, I have been seeing a man who is 33 and has an eight-year-old daughter. We have grown very close and also started making plans to get married. I have been spending more and more time with him in recent months, including staying over at weekends.

My parents noticed this almost immediately and voiced concerns about Covid. I said I was simply spending time with a girlfriend, and that we both did lateral flow tests. They accepted this – until I stupidly mentioned my boyfriend’s name last month and the whole story came out.

Far from being worried about Covid and the fact I had lied to them, they immediately laid into me about the age difference. They are also furious that I will be taking on someone else’s child. I have tried to calm them down, but they won’t let it go.

FIONA SAYS: They probably don’t want to see you get hurt. The problem is they are showing this concern in a very heavy-handed and perhaps hurtful way, especially as they know nothing about this man, other than his age and the fact he has a child. I am sure this isn’t deliberate, so please try not to judge them too harshly.

I suggest you spend some time telling them what it is you love about this man and why you think he’s right for you. Give them some time to adjust, and then arrange a meeting. Hopefully, once they get to see him and his daughter, they are more likely to come around to the idea of you getting married. If they continue to make things difficult for you though, you will probably need to be a bit more assertive. Explain that you are serious about this man and that you intend to marry him, with or without their approval. Make it clear that you would obviously prefer it if they could see their way to being happy for you.

MY LIFE HAS FALLEN APART

In the space of only eight months, my life has fallen apart. I had an excellent job, a good marriage and we’d started to talk about starting a family.

Then, last September my husband suddenly left me. At the time, he said he simply needed some space. However, I have since found out that he has shacked-up with a work colleague, and they had been seeing each other a lot before lockdown.

Then my mother died, closely followed by my grandmother, both through Covid complications. The final straw came last month when I lost my job. Since then, I have pretty much ceased functioning and have lost interest in everything. I don’t go out, I sleep all day, can’t sleep at night, and find myself crying for no reason at all. My GP put me on antidepressants, but they don’t seem to be helping.

FIONA SAYS: You have had several painful body-blows in a truly short period of time, so it’s not surprising that you are struggling and in pain. Anyone might have buckled under this kind of emotional onslaught. And given such trauma, it’s important not to think that you can simply bounce back as though nothing has happened.

You need to give yourself time to heal, and for the treatments to work. Firstly, talk to your GP about your medication. If, after a reasonable time, it is not helping, discuss the possibility of increasing the dose or trying a different medication. Also ask about counselling. You can find counsellors in your area through the website of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk).