My husband can’t snap out of his bad mood

MY husband has always been a moody sort, some days good, some days bad. Occasionally in the past he’s had longer bouts, but we’ve always managed to bounce him back from these. Since the start of the pandemic though, these have become more frequent and longer and he also gets angry a lot.

The last couple of weeks have been really difficult, as he has been in a permanent bad mood. His behaviour has become erratic too. He spends a lot of time on his own, often sleeping for hours alone in our spare bedroom. I am sure I have heard him crying too.

He’s stopped eating with us as a family and when he does eat, he cooks it himself and most of it is junk food. Some days he comes home from work, ignores me and the children, and just goes to bed. I have tried to get him to talk about what’s bothering him, but he won’t or can’t say.

FIONA SAYS: Covid – and measures to combat it -– may or may not be finished in the UK, but its effects on mental health are far from over. Thousands of people are still experiencing deep levels of anxiety and depression, so it’s not surprising that your husband might be similarly affected.

It’s also possible that the pandemic may only be one of several things that is driving this behaviour – and I suspect it is not something he will be able to simply ‘snap out of’.

Instead of trying to get him to snap out of it, encourage him to seek professional help. Explain that this is impacting all of you, and stress that things can’t go on as they are – there is support out there.

I would also suggest you encourage him to talk to his GP, who will be able to outline treatments and provide medication if appropriate, as well as referrals for talking therapy and further support.

Support is available at the Scottish Association for Mental Health on 0344 800 0550 (samh.org.uk).

WHY HASN’T MY PARTNER GOT DIVORCED?

I have been with my partner for five years. We have two children together, aged three and six months, and he is a loving father to both.

He was married before we met, but he and his wife were separated (they had no children). We’ve had five happy years together, but he still hasn’t got divorced yet and this worries me. Do you think he plans to leave me?

FIONA SAYS: I can’t possibly guess what his plans and intentions are, but if he has lived with you happily for five years, then happiness and contentment could have made him forgetful. If his ex isn’t pushing for a divorce either, then it could simply be something he’s not thought about.

You say you are worried about him getting a divorce, but I suspect what is really worrying you is his apparent lack of commitment to you and your daughters. Have you told him how you feel about all of this?

If he is content with his life as it is, it may not have occurred to him that there’s any anxiety and lack of contentment in yours. You really need to talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Hopefully, he will then quickly get a divorce. If he doesn’t, or doesn’t want to, then you will have to try and find out why. You may not hear what you want to hear, but at least you will then know exactly what is going on, because at the moment all you and I can do is guess at his motives.