My forgetful husband always blames me

IF anything goes wrong in our house, it’s my fault – at least that’s what my husband would have me believe. He’s 74 and blames me for everything. On one occasion, he’d taken a phone call while cooking some bacon under the grill. It took the fire alarm going off to make him realise there was a problem. Once again, it was my fault for not noticing sooner.

If I point them out, he gets angry. I am worried about him but what can I do?

FIONA SAYS: These might be symptoms of dementia, or they may just be forgetfulness – but either way, I think you are right to be worried. As a first step, encourage him to see his GP, who can do an initial assessment. Once this is done, a baseline can be set which can then be used to determine if things are getting worse. And if it is dementia, an early diagnosis would also increase the chances of slowing its progression.

Given his behaviour to date, it’s likely your husband will resist this suggestion, so don’t engage in the blame game or be confrontational. Instead, tell him that you love him and explain that you are worried about him. Hopefully, this will give him the push he needs to get help.

SO STRESSED ABOUT MONEY

I have been married for six years and have two children. My husband has a full-time job and works most evenings to bring in some extra money. The problem is, things have got really tight over the past year or so. We never have enough money and are massively in debt.

We can’t seem to get ahead of it, especially with the recent hike in energy bills. He thinks I don’t want to work and am just being lazy, but that is just not true. The fact is, I have no experience and little in the way of qualifications. Yes, jobs are out there but they are all badly paid. By the time I pay for child-minding and travel, and the tax man takes his wedge, we’d be out of pocket. I have tried to point this out to him several times, but he just gets angry.

FIONA SAYS: If meeting your debt payments is leaving you short of food, you need to tackle the issue now. Debts have a nasty habit of compounding over time, so the sooner you deal with it, the better – and that means working together.

When your husband is in a calmer mood, explain that you are not lazy and that looking after a household with two children doesn’t just happen by magic – it’s hard work.

To help with this, I suggest you contact StepChange (stepchange. org), a registered charity which has an online debt advice process.

If you don’t have access at home, you can go to your local library to use the computers there or you can call them on 0800 138 1111. They can help you to analyse your debt and work with you to put in place a scheme to make it more manageable.

In certain circumstances, these schemes can include limited write-off of some of the money you owe. They can also help organise respite periods, in which payments are suspended.

The Debt Arrangement Scheme (DAS) is a scheme set up by the Scottish Government which helps people pay back debts in a manageable way without the threat of court action.

The important thing is that creditors are given a clear indication of your willingness to settle the debt and you are given a bit of breathing space.

I HATE JUNK MAIL

Why do I still get so much junk mail? A couple of years back, I signed up to the Mailing Preference Service and asked for all junk mail to stop. Things improved a bit for a while, but over the past six months or so, it’s got worse again.

FIONA SAYS: The good news is, you can submit an opt out form to stop some of this (look at the Royal Mail website for details). The slight downside is that it will stop ALL unaddressed mail, some of which might be important local or central government circulars. Finally, a ‘no junk mail’ sign on the letterbox might be worth a try.