5 THINGS WE HAVE LEARNED THIS WEEK

Don’t blub over phub

As you know, “phubbing” is the rude practice of ignoring a partner while on your phone. The word is a contraction of “phone snubbing”. However, a study by Baylor University, Texas, found the habit widely accepted now as part of modern life. And what is modern life, readers? Correct: rubbish.

Abducted dumbos

Lord Rees, an Astronomer General, has told “cranks” to stop writing to him about being abducted by aliens. He asks why advanced aliens would abduct dumbos like them, instead of people with proper qualifications. We also ask: why is Bonnybridge a world UFO centre? Why not Paris? New York? Perhaps it’s the aliens who are the dumbos.

No kidding

It’s the next big thing: virtual children growing up in yonder metaverse. Artificial intelligence expert Catriona Campbell says computer-generated babies could be commonplace by

2070. They’ll cost nothing to feed, take up no space and make no mess. Downside is they’ll cost £20 a month, which might be better spent on a satellite TV channel or drink.

Bairns get the bug

Children are to be fed insects. The curiously agreeable pioneering project will take place at four schools in Wales as part of a study by Cardiff Yoonie. The bairns will be fed locusts, mealworms, crickets, grasshoppers and silkworms. As a special treat, there’ll also be larvae. And we thought Spam and luncheon meat were bad.

Coffee dodgers

Drinking coffee is pleasurable so, for many years, we were told it was bad for us. Now it’s good for us, as confirmed by Chinese researchers, who found coffee drinkers cut their chance of dying by a third. But more than six cups a day you die early. The watchword? Moderation. What is moderation? Boring. Live a long, boring life, folks.