Water carry on in Venice

HOLIDAYS – they’re meant to be where we chill, relax, forget all our troubles, break the rules, and flash our flesh in a way we wouldn’t do back home because someone we know might see us. Well, not if you’re planning on visiting Venice this year. For it seems that the authorities in the city have had enough and are clamping down on “boorish” visitors.

Of course, the rules are probably justified. They’re just another symptom of there being too many of us human beings all going to the same places, trashing them, and letting loose our inner holiday monster.

Here, then, are just a few of the activities that could see you fined on a visit to Venice.

Sitting. Yes, in various places, including St Mark’s Square, sitting could see you fined 200 euros.

Swimming. Not in St Mark’s basin, please, which will get you a fine of 450 euros. You also may not roam Venice’s historic streets or be in any private or public vehicle “while bare-chested or wearing swimwear” – so, in other words, nae taps aff. Bicycling is also not allowed “even when led by hand”. And, certainly, you must not feed the pigeons.

These, then, are the new rules of holidaying, and you’ll probably need to have a sit down after reading them – 200 euros, thank you. In fact, you’re probably fancying a relaxing staycation.

Fine. Only please, please, no stone-stacking – Scottish conservationists are saying it’s wrecking the environment.