It’s amazing Nasa actually noticed the presence of yet another cracked, cold, right-angled, white oddity of nature
“I THINK something’s happening,” the most powerful man in the world told an admirably straight-faced CNN journalist last week. “Something’s changing and it’ll change back again.”
Out of context, Donald Trump could have been talking about anything – Doctor Who’s gender, the EDM music scene or even Andrew Neil’s hair. Yet the President was actually doing something more unexpected – recalibrating his stance on what those pesky scientists call “climate change”.
Vague as his musings were, it’s still a remarkable change of tone for Trump – certainly compared to a recent 4.30am tweet where he suggested global warming was a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese. I have a theory that the President’s thumb possesses a sentient intelligence of its own, much like Anthony Hopkin’s puppet in Magic – only coming alive when the body sleeps. Perhaps Trump has been fortunate enough to wake before The Thumb revealed that our moon is actually the skull of an ancient dragon who died trying to reach the stars.
Although his latest ramblings to CNN still – on the surface – prove him an unarmed man on the climate change debate battlefield, the President’s softening on the subject is nonetheless notable. He may indeed be trying to meet 99.9 per cent of the scientific community halfway in what is clearly a one-way argument. Or perhaps it was simply guilt, with Trump atoning for causing most of the issue himself with L’Oreal Elnett Supreme Hold.
More likely, the President has been made aware of an alarming new report issued by the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, urging every country to immediately take “unprecedented” action to prevent catastrophic weather conditions. Not a coincidence that such extremes of rain and wind would greatly disrupt the Trump hair system too.
Yet, like a broken clock twice a day, it turns out the President was absolutely right that the climate will “change back again” – just not on the tangible geological timetable of human lifespans he was perhaps imagining. WE tend to view the Earth’s present climate – the one suited to the evolution and survival of homo sapiens – as “normal”.
Yet, this planet has more history than Katie Price. Four-and-a-half billion years’ worth – and just as extremes of temperature have terraformed the surface of this ancient rock many times in the past, so they will again until the expanding sun incinerates the whole kit and caboodle in four billion years’ time.