‘Very odd’ to feel God’s love yet struggle with depression, admits Archbishop of Canterbury
THE Archbishop of Canterbury says his faith acted as a “safety net” at times in his life when he struggled with depression.
Justin Welby said it was “very odd” to feel the love of God and a “real, vicious sense of dislike of oneself” simultaneously.
He opened up about his personal experiences in the first episode of The Archbishop Interviews, a new programme on BBC Radio 4 and BBC sounds.
In the episode, Mr Welby spoke with author Elif Shafak and explored the topics of faith, doubt and depression.
“My own experience of depression – one of the symptoms of it is self-hatred, self-contempt, real, vicious sense of dislike of oneself,” he said.
“And that seems very odd when it combines with also a deep sense that I’m loved by God. And in my life that expressed itself almost as a safety net.
“I would say in my prayers ... I may be this terrible person, this failure as an Archbishop, whatever it is, but I know you know me better than I know myself and you still love me. “And by that I am held.” Mr Welby said a book written by his daughter, Katharine Welby-Roberts, had encouraged him to speak to others and get help. “For me, one of the most important things was a book written by our eldest daughter about her own depression,” he said.
“She had a breakdown and very severe depression and still suffers from illness, and she’s married now with two children.
“She wrote a beautiful book called I Thought There Would Be Cake. In other words, when she was grown up, there’d be cake. And how different it was.
“And in that there was a chapter about the need to be open to speak to others. And so I did.
“I went to get some help and that has made a huge difference.”
The leader of the Church of England has also spent time this week deflecting criticism after he dared to weigh in on something nearly as pressing – the spiritual value, or lack thereof, of The Great British Bake Off.
Earlier this week, he gave an interview to the Radio Times magazine in which he mentioned he didn’t watch the popular TV baking competition (titled The Great British Baking Show in the US and Canada) because he disliked the way “contestants were thrown out the show”
He explained: “I think it’s the modern equivalent of gladiatorial games.”
Fans of Bake Off quickly took him to task, pointing out the kindly nature of the programme, in contrast to other, more brutal competitions, citing the support contestants lend one another throughout the series.
And one critic, Roland White, wrote in his column for Thunderer: “If the Church of England really believes that winning and losing is a moral evil, even in a baking competition, is it any wonder it struggles to fill the pews?”
This barb inspired Welby to rise up again, writing in a letter: “Sir, I wish to report the following: Lost: a sense of humour. Previous owner: Roland White. Condition: hardly used. Last seen: near The Great British Bake Off and other wonderful TV programmes.
“If found please return to owner with instructions on use.”
In the same Radio Times interview, Welby revealed he was more likely to be found watching a thriller than a baking competition.
He told the magazine: “The last serious drama I watched was Line of Duty.”
Perhaps the Most Rev Archbishop has yet to notice the gladiatorial nature of much of the hit show built around police corruption, particularly the extended interrogation scenes.
The first episode of The Archbishop Interviews airs on Sunday at 1.30pm on Radio 4 and BBC Sounds.