Taxing questions for PM as Sir Keir energises debate
“NEVER before,” quoth Boris Johnson, a Prime Minister, “has this House listened to an address like the one given yesterday by President Zelenskyy.”
Never before had the PM spoken a truer word. Speaking remotely, the Ukrainian leader had told a few home truths from the front, turning the House of Commons into a no-lie zone, as he pledged that his country would never give in to Russian loonocrat Vlad “the invader” Putin.
Thus inspired by this true heir to Winston Churchill, Mr Johnson began Prime Minister’s Questions by pledging to do “even more in the coming days to protect the people of Ukraine”. This will come as solace to Mr Zelenskyy, seeing Britain move from a position of being ever so slightly miffed to being really rather irritated by the Russian invasion.
That said, we’ve been leading with great gusto from the back, the General Melchett of the conflict, opining after that great war hero: “If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look the facts in the face will see us through.”
The fact that Labour opposition leader opposition Sir Keir Starmer wanted the PM to look in the coupon was the impending rise in energy bills.
If that sounds like we were forgetting the war and getting back to any other incompetent business, the issue is tangential to the Ukraine crisis.
The decent world is trying to disentangle itself from Russian gas supplies, which unfortunately will put prices up for a bit. But Sir Keir said taxing the massive profits of North Sea oil companies would supply funds to reduce consumers’ bills, thus – for reasons I forget – helping us stand up to the Russian bear.
Thus gaslit, Boris replied that, taken in the round, after considered assessment of these points, Sir Keir was “absolutely out of his mind”. Ah, yes, that would explain it. If you taxed the energy companies, they’d just put their prices up even higher, said Boris. So, best leave them alone.
With the drums of war paradiddling in the distance, this was all pleasantly reminiscent of happier times: Tories defending profits, Labour calling for them to be taxed.
Boris even tried painting Labour as the party historically opposed to nuclear power, in which regard he now welcomed Keir’s conversion: “There is more joy in Heaven over one sinner that repenteth, Mr Speaker, than over a hundred, er, wibble …”
He’d started to realise that he was getting the maths wrong. It’s one and 99. Still, you have the feeling that’s been a Biblical quote of solace to Mr Johnson in his life.
Readers, feel free to supply your own Frankie Howerd impression, as Sir Keir riposted “Oh, come off it!”. He then laid it on with a trowel, adding that the PM couldn’t get “a single brick laid” on new nuclear power stations.
Hish, tish and pish, said Boris (I’m paraphrasing, but not much), adding a pledge that Britain would become independent in energy supplies.
The “i” word caused Ian Blackford’s wee pink ears to wiggle. Piously, the SNP’s Westminster leader averred that he’d tried to back the UK Government over Ukraine, but could not do so over the “refugee crisis”. Britain, he said, had issued only 750 visas, compared to many thousands given out by Poland, Hungry, Germany, Italy and Ireland.
The backdrop to this had been the “hostile environment” of recent history, culminating now in bureaucracy before compassion. “Scotland,” grandstanded Mr B, “stands ready to offer sanctuary and refuge.” Groans greeted this Caledonian sanctimony.
Boasting that, since he’d been PM, Britain had taken in many refugees from Afghanistan and Hong Kong, Boris then personalised the issue, pointing out that he himself, and the Deputy Prime Minister and the Home Secretary, were all “directly descended from refugees”.
While numbers were currently “almost 1,000”, Britain was expecting to take in hundreds of thousands. Hundreds of miles behind the frontline, the UK was “out in front” in providing assistance.
In reply to a similar line of questioning from LibDem leader Ed Davey about people being turned away “because they didn’t have the right paperwork”, Boris replied that, given the nefarious tactics of Putin, it was important still to have checks on who was allowed in. Anything else would be “irresponsible”.
The problem, as some learned commentators have pointed out, may be that the Government is dealing with the situation through existing immigration law rather than new emergency provisions.
That said, the Government was keen to do its best. “We are moving Heaven and Earth,” said Boris.
Might be better to shift your butt, mate.