The Herald - - OPINION -

Made a Bond

MEET­ING celebri­ties, con­tin­ued. Says David Martin: “A group of pupils from the now de­funct Men­zieshill High School were at Glas­gow Air­port prior to board­ing a flight to Amer­ica for a foot­ball tour­na­ment. One of them spot­ted Sean Con­nery be­side a short, plump man and asked Sean if they could get a group pho­to­graph. He agreed. The kids gath­ered around and cam­eras were handed to his com­pan­ion who took the pho­to­graphs.

“As the group left they all thanked the pho­tog­ra­pher, with­out knowing he was Alex Sal­mond, First Min­is­ter at the time.”

Coin­ing it in

THE HER­ALD news story that the grounds of Burns Cot­tage are to be planted with the crops of his era makes our mind wan­der to when Alex Fer­gu­son owned the other Burns Cot­tage – a pub on Glas­gow’s Pais­ley Road West. No idea what it’s called now. We just re­mem­ber a woman telling us there was a band play­ing at the Cot­tage one night and they were all in­vited to some­one’s party in Go­van after­wards. There was a sing-song and when the band’s singer was asked to give them a num­ber he loftily de­clared that he only sang for money. A penny was thrown at him with the in­struc­tion “Now sing.” He did.

A dog’s life

THE Di­ary story of co­me­dian Chic Mur­ray’s imag­i­nary dog re­minds Nor­rie Christie of a sim­i­lar in­ci­dent when he met Chic in the re­cep­tion area of the STV stu­dios. As they chat­ted, Chic looked down at the floor and said, ‘Will you sit down when I’m talk­ing to some­one’. When the re­cep­tion­ist called for Nor­rie he couldn’t stop him­self from pat­ting Chic’s imag­i­nary dog on the head and say­ing good­bye.

Paws for thought

TO­DAY’S piece of whimsy comes from a reader who emails: “If dogs could text you, they would fill your phone up with con­stant mes­sages, „ “I’m go­ing off the no­tion of fly­ing out on hol­i­day,” says Marie Mur­ray, about this braille sign.

‘When you com­ing home?’ “Where are you?’ ‘Are you nearly home?’

“If cats could text you, they wouldn’t.”

Story leaked

OUR sto­ries of ex­cuses for be­ing late re­mind Mike Shand in El­gin of his first job af­ter uni in Liver­pool. It was de­cided staff, apart from man­agers, who arrived late had to write down the rea­son, and many of the Scousers ob­jected to this dis­crim­i­na­tion. Says Mike: “The fi­nal straw came on a wet day. Many of the staff lived across the Mersey, and took fer­ries to Liver­pool in the morn­ing. A con­sid­er­able num­ber were late that morn­ing, and all wrote down a vari­a­tion on the theme ‘Ca­noe sprang a leak’. The very next week, man­age­ment can­celled the need for staff to give rea­sons for late­ness.”

Shopped him in

FED up get­ting pestered by shop as­sis­tants? An Ayr­shire reader tells us a chap in his golf club told him: “Was walk­ing around a store, trail­ing af­ter the wife, when an as­sis­tant came up and asked, ‘Can I help you find some­thing?’ I replied, ‘A rea­son for liv­ing.’ Got left alone af­ter that.”

Get­ting shirty

HA­CIENDA Clas­si­cal, which is the rave mu­sic of the leg­endary Ha­cienda club in Manch­ester, but played with an orches­tra, is at the Brae­head Arena this Satur­day. Orig­i­nal Ha­cienda DJ Graeme Park, who is per­form­ing, tells us: “Back in 1989 the amaz­ing Fever club in Aberdeen con­tacted The Haçienda to book me. At the time, most peo­ple as­sumed I was English and it wasn’t until I arrived at Aberdeen Air­port and was met by the club pro­moter Mike Grieve that I told him I was re­ally ex­cited to be Djing in the city I was born in. I un­but­toned my jacket to reveal an Aberdeen FC foot­ball shirt and asked him what the re­sponse would be if I did the same in the club? He said they’d go ab­so­lutely wild, and they did. Big time.”

Alas they are not in Satur­day’s cup fi­nal, so prob­a­bly no need to wear the shirt this week­end, Graeme.

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