MRS CRACKENTHORPE

IT was 300 years ago – a mere blink of the eye in parliamentary terms – that I last took up cudgels to entertain London town with wit and wisdom gleaned on my forays through society. My Female Tatler became a must-read in the capital and beyond, my tittle tattle entertaining, scandalising and amusing in equal measure. It is with great delight that I can divulge the kind people at The House magazine have invited me to resume my humble scribblings. Once again, I shall bestride our great city – or at least the broiling cesspit of Westminster that is our little corner of it. In the 1700s, I was known as “the lady that knows everything”. It is a title I am proud to own once more...

Mrs C hears the Socialist Campaign Group is on the hunt to anoint a successor to the enchanting forefather Jeremy Corbyn, someone to represent the far left should Keith – or “Keir Starmer” as I believe he is known to some – fail to ride the wave of our chaotic PM’s current unpopularity. Mrs C understands top SCG lieutenants are looking for a Trojan Horse – a simpatico MP with enough polish to avoid scaring the horses, sorry, electorate. Bad luck, Ricky Burgon.

Labour staffers are now referring to LOTO as the Streeting Leadership Campaign”. “There’s only so long staffers can battle with LOTO for airtime for their bosses while seeing Streeting seemingly everywhere,” an SW1 source says of the improbably-titled shadow secretary of state for child poverty. “With Labour struggling for cash, a shadow cabinet filled with roles that don’t actually exist in government feels like a waste of resources,” my mole smirks.

Tory Brexit rebels past and present are due to unite for a Christmas bash, hosted by the sadly missed Margot James. Included on the guest list are fellow Brexit losers Amber Rudd, Stephen Hammond and David Lidington. No FOMO, as the kids call it, on Mrs C’s end.

Mrs C understands Andrew Bowie has chosen The

and Andrew Marr to inflict with his laments about the current Tory leadership. Mrs C encourages the outgoing vice chairman to speak with the same air of honesty he employs in the Red Lion.

Stay scandalous! MrsCrackenthorpe@protonmail.com