MRS. CRACKENTHORPE

Mrs after Crackenthorpe’s her Grand Tour a-thrill of to the be provinces back in Westminster to attend recover all those from steamy the bed conferences. bugs and dodgy While fry-ups she is yet of the to somewhat less than salubrious establishments she was forced to bed down in, and her head remains a-thrum from the vats of poisonous white wine she consumed, her spirit is soaring with the industrial quantities of mischief and scandal she observed. Here’s how it shook down…

We’ve all been there, unable to get past the bouncer blocking passage into those delectable media drinks, swearing blind you’re the political editor’s most valuable contact... So pity Chloe Smith, who, finding herself NFId to one swanky soiree, was forced to wail: “But I’m literally a secretary of state,” before the somewhat overzealous security on the door relented.

Obvs Mrs C likes nothing better than being stranded in our (alleged) Second City on a wet Tuesday in October with no trains in and out, but some were not enjoying the somewhat damp surrounds of England’s Venice.

Indeed at one drinks, Carrie Johnson bezzie Nimco Ali was heard bemoaning the high proportion of [insert profanity pertaining to phallic appendages and craniums] present. So much more fun when you’re part of the entourage, eh Nimco.

Despite being a little long in the tooth (well, I’ve been doing this since the 18th century) Mrs C tries to stay down with the kids. So she was somewhat surprised to see big notices plastered all over the TikTok fringe advising participants that (checks notes) TikToking was verboten.

Back in Westminster, Robert Goodwill was overheard trying his very best to be a good LGBT ally on the Terrace when he told a group of MPs and hacks that “nobody cares if people are gay anymore”, adding there’s “nothing wrong” with it and he doesn’t mind what people get up to in their spare time. Mrs C feels certain his heart was in the right place...

Tips n tattle to Mrscrackenthorpe@protonmail.com as per.