Vunipola: I was trying to show them I am tough when I wasn’t
Shoulder surgery, three months. Knee surgery, four months. A broken arm, four months. Another broken arm, another four months. That is the worrying 15-month journey that Billy Vunipola has experienced, a relentless injury nightmare that not only robbed Saracens, England and the British and Irish Lions of one of the most powerful players in the world, but left him haunted by internal demons from the experience.
The last two injuries, both fractures to his right forearm, have been the most eye-opening for the 25-yearold. Vunipola returned from his knee operation in January only to last two games before he damaged himself again against the Ospreys in their 15-15 European Champions Cup draw. Conscious that his season
could be ended by the blow – and any hopes of featuring in the play-offs for Saracens or England’s tour of South Africa – Vunipola rushed himself back to help Saracens to Premiership glory in May, before heading on tour to face the Springboks.
But disaster struck. Early in the second Test, his arm snapped again, and this time surgery was required to fix it.
Fans bemoaned another long-term loss of an England international and rugby writers were quick to question whether the toils of two years at the very top had left Vunipola broken. But the real problem, he revealed, was deeper within as he struggled to find the balance between ego, pride and what he believed was ‘doing the right thing’.
“Without realising it, it was a period that helped me to build my resilience,” Vunipola said. “It was frustrating always training by myself and being away from the group. That’s what got to me more than anything mentally. I guess you learn lessons on the way in terms of recovery. You look after yourself better – spiritually as well. “Learning from previous recent injuries, I knew to take my time. Two weeks is better than two months and I think that’s what we did. Normally when I come back I’m so ready to play that I start and it was good last week just to come off the bench – it kind of takes off that pressure of starting and knowing that you’re coming in to help the team, rather than trying to dictate and set the tone.
“It gave me time to think about how to play my game better, smarter as well and hopefully safer. But I’m sure once we get into all the games and hopefully get a run of games in, I’ll kind of just forget about all that and build up a resilience to the contacts and all those things.”
The second time around, Vunipola had a good chunk of rugby under his belt before his arm gave out – a Premiership match followed by the semi-final and final wins and also the first Test against South Africa. But the first time his arm fractured, he was undercooked and looking to make up for lost time.
Elaborating on how he can learn to play in ways that protect his body, he said: “Safer as in knowing that there’s 14 other players out on the pitch and to pick my moments. I think I got to a stage where I was just trying to be a hero, putting myself in situations where I was vulnerable. For example, I came back against Wasps [in January], maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea from my point of view to tell the coaches that I was ready, it was almost like trying to show them I am tough when I wasn’t, and it’s no one else’s fault but mine.
“I was almost showing a mask that wasn’t me and now I’m just up front with everything – if I’m sore I’m sore – not letting my ego dictate what my body’s telling me.
“I had doubt when I broke my arm the first time. Again, if I had been smarter when I went into the tackle I would have been fine but I was trying to impact the game. I’ve learned a lot and hopefully now I can just get a good run of games.”
But that battle of saying you’re not ready when you’re not ready is a hard one to master. Vunipola admits that he has hidden injury from his coaches “easily about 10 times” in order to play and not risk his place in the team, which could spiral out of control and eventually cost him his place with both club and country. Then there’s the social media backlash, the messages that 20 years ago players would never have seen, but now leaves them open to wave upon wave of abuse. ‘He’s only in it for the money’, ‘they only turn up for the big games’. Vunipola has seen them all.
And perhaps worst of all, there is his self-doubt.
“It’s tough... I can tell you a lot of people still have injuries and try to hide it,” he said. “We saw it with the high turnover of players being released, it’s almost like we’re into NFL territory. Not yet, but we’re getting to a stage where competition for places is really hard and you can still have players masking pain, trying to earn that extra contract. That’s something that’s always in the back of my mind. For me the biggest thing was, do the coaches or the players think that I’m taking them for a ride. That’s why I never wanted to say no if I was sore – that was my mindset, no one else’s but I’ve learnt now I’ve just to be up front. “With social media and that kind of stuff, over the last year and a half I was guilty of almost listening to it. I
got to the stage where I wasn’t doing [sponsor] appearances at Twickenham because I felt embarrassed. It was like people would be ‘oh, this guy is living off two years of his work’. I know no one was thinking that, they just wanted to see me happy, but that was my mindset and that translated over to training and playing – my friends probably think I’m taking the mick out of them just so I can play all the big games – but now I’m more confident in myself to say it.”
Such was the doubt that had crept into his mind, Vunipola started to reject sponsorship opportunities so that he didn’t have to face what he felt were the damning verdicts of his injury nightmare. “I know people will read it and think, ‘oh, he’s silly’, but that’s truly how I felt.
“My agent wasn’t happy but it was just one of those things. What was more important to me than that was my pride and that is not very smart. It is quite selfish in fact. My agent has got two kids!”
Today, Saracens will again try to negotiate the tricky area of returning Vunipola to action. After his tryscoring appearance against Bristol from the bench last week, he will start against Northampton Saints eager to make up for lost time, and with the Rugby World Cup little more than a year away, no one will feel any resentment towards a healthy 12 months ahead.