Thomas embraces the chance to do nothing after years of stigma-busting
Gareth Thomas can’t be bothered getting out of bed. It’s a battle he has “lost” many a time during a lockdown in which, well, he hasn’t done much.
He’s not worked on his fitness. Or learned a new language, or picked up new skills. He even makes a note of telling The Independent that unlike half the timeline, he still has no idea how to bake banana bread. But most
importantly, he doesn’t feel bad at all.
“There are times when I’ve done nothing,” he says. “You know sometimes you feel guilty for doing nothing, but you know that’s the one thing you want to do? Honestly there were days when I just sat down and watched a load of rubbish films. And I felt good about it.”
It’s an important point. As coronavirus cleared our schedules, some preached betterment. That we should emerge from this pandemic well-read, more informed, stronger, faster and, simply, better. Some may have up-skilled but most have simply got by the best they could, you know, with all the palpable death and uncertainty around as society decays in front of us.
Thomas has revelled in being one of the latter, which may come as a surprise to some. On the face of it, here is a man who became Wales’ first rugby union player to 100 international caps and sits in the top 10 for points and tries scored, having retired from the professional game in 2011. Yet at no point, he says, should anyone regard this time as wasted. He certainly doesn't.
“Because we were forced into this situation it feels like we were forced into situations that were also making us conform to what everybody thought we should do. I just thought - you know, I’m going to do what makes me happy.
“I thought about how to better myself, but I think people miss the point, thinking to better myself I have to learn something I never really wanted to learn. To better yourself, sometimes, is just to sit down and take stock.”
It is here however, when considering what to take stock of, that Thomas is out on his own. For in the last 10 years Thomas has come out as gay and HIV positive, and used both as springboards for the kind of stigmabusting work that will resonate far beyond his own life.
When the former British and Irish Lions captain came out in 2009, he actually made a note of saying he
would not be going on a crusade despite being the only openly gay male athlete. But the year after, he was named Stonewall’s hero of the year as he set about using his profile to push on conversations in a way others couldn’t.
At the end of last year, he revealed he has HIV and then, on the same day, set about doing an ironman triathlon – a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bicycle ride and a full marathon – at the age of 45. He completed the event in just over 12 hours.
And while he has reflected on those life-changing admissions, events and the relentless advocacy that has followed, he’s also had the opportunity to do something he hasn’t been able to do in more than 30 years. To simply be.
When I look back I think ‘Gee whiz, how have I got here? How have got through this? How did I have the strength?’
“It has been great to be still,” he says. “When I look back I think ‘Gee whiz, how have I got here? How have got through this? How did I have the strength?’
“It’s a nice but kind of strange feeling. I spent so much of my life fighting and being uncomfortable in who I was and how I’d be perceived. But not only am I comfortable in who I am, but I also feel people also now have an understanding, after a lot of things I’ve been through, a lot of screaming and shouting on what I feel is right and what I feel is wrong. Everyone, from the people I love, the people I work with and the people who even live on my mother’s street, they are open and accepting of the complete me.”
Indeed, the battle of acceptance wages on, both in the LGBTQ+ community and on racial grounds too with the Black Lives Matter movement. If there is someone who can accept the need for actions as well as words, it is Thomas.
Another reminder came on Tuesday when Manchester United and England striker Marcus Rashford was able to successfully lobby the government to provide around 1.3 million children in England with free school meal vouchers during the holidays. Even with Rashford’s standing, it was the volume of backing from and behind him that elicited change. The noise.
“Even in the environment now, people can say as much as they want but it’s the actions of something or someone that make people listen. Make people all of a sudden open their eyes to something they didn’t deem or couldn’t compute in their heads.
“I think that’s the thing I try to do with a lot of things. As loud and as positive as possible. Sometimes you have to do things to get people to listen or change their view on something. You have to take it to almost another level and prove people wrong.
“When I wanted to bust the stigma and myth around HIV, I didn’t want to just educate and inform people verbally, I wanted them to see physically that I would be able to do something that, stereotypically, members of society would deem that HIV makes people physically and emotionally weak. That people who have it have no strength.
“In certain areas, you have one chance to influence. One chance to change people’s minds. And you’ve got to use it in the best way you can.”
There aren’t many similarities between Thomas and Rashford as sportsmen, not just due to the different codes, but the way they approach their games. Thomas, by his own admission, was hard work and blood, while Rashford’s output centres on finesse at break-neck speeds. Yet both clearly prescribe to the value of doing.
“Maybe it’s from the world of rugby that has become a character trait of mine. You can tell people to do something, but it’s more effective to go out there and show them. People will either follow your actions or learn from them.”
For the moment, Thomas is resting up ahead of the next good fight, conserving energy but also channelling some of it into more immediate things. His uncle sadly passed away alone in a hospital, with no family by his side because of the pandemic.
While grieving and helping other family members through this difficult time, he has begun working with Farewill who help bereaved families avoid extra emotional toll through the clerical issues around death. He has also been volunteering for his local shop, delivering groceries to those at risk and unable to shop for themselves.
In fact, the more he talks, the more you realise that Thomas’s idea of doing nothing is very much relative to a man who has been many things to many people.
“I thought finishing rugby I would sit down with my pipe and slippers and look back on my career and think ‘wow’. But I haven’t had time to look back on that! I want to go now, do as much as I can for others, until I
finally don’t have the energy to keep going anymore.
“I want to think the legacy I leave behind is one I’d be proud of. Not just through rugby but to have created better environments for people to live in society as well as hopefully inspiring all types of people.”
Whenever he does actually stop, he’ll certainly deserve the rest.