TROPHY DAD
Bryce Dallas Howard’s new film is sweet but why do some hands-on fathers still think they deserve a medal for putting up with rowdy, screaming children, asks Charlotte Cripps
In the opening scene of Bryce Dallas Howard’s directorial debut Dads, the star of Jurassic World shows a video of the day she was born. In grainy home-movie footage taken in 1981, her film director father Ron Howard and actor mother Cheryl walk arm in arm into a LA hospital. “Ready to have your baby?” asks a nurse. “Welcome to the world Bryce!” says the doctor who delivers her.
The film – which comes out on Apple TV+ just in time for Father’s Day on 21 June – is an inspiring and light-hearted look at the “trials and tribulations” of modern-day parenting.
Through rare footage, viral videos and interviews with a host of Hollywood celebrity fathers – including Judd Apatow, Jimmy Fallon, Neil Patrick Harris, Jimmy Kimmel, Will Smith and Howard’s own father (who directed Apollo 13 and A Beautiful Mind) – as well as everyday dads from around the world, it examines
what it means to be a father.
“I want to know more about what it takes to be a father and celebrate all the great dads out there,” says the 39-year-old, who we catch sight of only briefly behind the scenes.
The line-up of celebrity dads is impressive. But as I listen to amusing testimonials from these hands-on famous fathers, I wonder: do they really think they are telling us anything new? Projectile vomiting, gagging at dirty nappies, having no manual to raise a child, realising the little “dude” is here to stay, back problems from repeatedly lifting a crying baby from a cot, and sleep deprivation? It sounds like a normal day for me.
For any mum like me, with two children aged two and four, all of this is run-of-the-mill. Watching Dads feels like deja vu. It’s true that historically, women have been expected by society to be the maternal caregivers while dads are programmed to go out to work – something that Howard highlights in her film. But for them, it seems like an epiphany.
Projectile vomiting, gagging at dirty nappies, having no manual to raise a child and sleep deprivation? It sounds like a normal day for me
While The Tonight Show’s Fallon, who does the school run and teacher/parent meetings, feels like one of these “new dads”, Knocked Up director Apatow admits that being a dad is “suddenly the most important thing you will ever do in your life” but “you have no preparation for it in any way and it’s really scary”.
Dads all over the world tell us what relentless childcare is like, from Thiago Queiroz in Brazil (“I just drink a lot of coffee”) to househusband Shuichi Sakuma in Japan, who is seen vigorously cleaning the toilet.
Glen Henry, another stay-at-home dad from California, is drowning in the usual chaos of parenthood. He’s upbeat, though: “Being a father made me the man I am,” he says. “My children taught me to be authentic and to be honest with myself.” His baby is screaming the house down; he talks about “poop blowouts” and how “you are tired of just smelling poop”. The kids have covered themselves in talcum powder and the house is a tip. He thought it was going to be easy?
He’s now trying to “keep his patience” in the midst of tantrums and tears. The toddler has taken the eggs out of the shopping bag and has cracked them everywhere. He remembers crying in the bathroom. Welcome to our world. This is how us mums have felt for ages – but is it really so exemplary that a dad is doing childcare?
As his kid says “wipe my butt” after using the toilet, I think, “He’s lucky he’s got that option”. My two-year-old keeps taking her nappy off and it’s too late before I have noticed accidents.
The film gets across that there are many different types of dads out there – and all the fathers share heartfelt and moving stories, whether they are famous or not. There is the heartbreak of a sick child when Virginia-state dad Robert Selby’s baby is born with a congenital heart defect; it’s difficult viewing. The mum of his
child is a friend now, not his partner, and he’s the full-time dad – an intense experience.
But while a stay-at-home dad is still in the minority, surely we shouldn’t be in awe of a hands-on one?
The foster dad couple Rob and Reece Scheer from Maryland went from zero to four kids in six months (“everybody thought we were crazy”). They get asked who is the mum and who is the dad. “We both partner – that’s what parents should be doing.”
There is no doubt that all the dads in the film are doing a good job and this should be encouraged. Even Howard’s little brother Reed, who is about to be a first-time father and has done a seven-hour parenting course, can’t fault their dad Ron. Despite working really hard as they grew up, he was always “emotionally available”.
Ron, who warns dads about the danger of work – “don’t make it an escape hatch” – tells us parenting is a very “fluid thing” and “there are no rules”. He describes the joys of parenting as “reliving your childhood in a fabulous way” until “they get shitty”.
Fast-forward to the teenage years, with some footage of celebrity dads’ kids having meltdowns – and it’s clear that it doesn’t get any easier.
This film may be a good insight into what’s in store for anybody considering having kids – not just first-time fathers. But while a stay-at-home dad is still in the minority, surely today, we shouldn’t be in awe of a handson one? Indeed, in any family unit of which there are many parenting variations, as Howard shows in Dads, shouldn’t it be the norm for any, both or all parents to roll up the sleeves? We are all clueless with the first baby – not just dads.
‘Dads’ is available now on Apple TV+