Thirty of his biggest gaffes
1. “It looks as though it was put in by an Indian.” The Prince’s verdict of a fuse box during a tour of a Scottish factory in August 1999. He later clarified his comment: “I meant to say cowboys. I just got my cowboys and Indians mixed up.”
2. “The French don’t know how to cook breakfast.” After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, kedgeree, croissants and pain au chocolat – from Gallic chef Regis Crépy – in 2002.
3. “If it has four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.” Said to a WWF meeting in 1986.
4. “Get me a beer. I don’t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!” On being offered the finest wines by Italy’s PM Giuliano Amato at a dinner in Rome in 2000.
5. “I would like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family.” In 1967, asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union.
6. “If you travel as much as we do you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort – provided you don’t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.” To the
Aircraft Research Association in 2002.
7. “I wish he’d turn the microphone off!” The Prince expresses his opinion of Elton John’s performance at the 73rd Royal Variety Show, 2001.
8. “So who’s on drugs here?... HE looks as if he’s on drugs.” To a 14-year-old member of a Bangladeshi youth club in 2002.
9. “You have mosquitoes. I have the Press.” To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean in 1966.
10. “During the Blitz a lot of shops had their windows blown in and sometimes they put up notices saying, ‘More open than usual’. I now declare this place more open than usual.” Unveiling a plaque at the University of Hertfordshire’s new Hatfield campus in November 2003.
11. “I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing.” Addressing a group of industrialists in 1961.
12. “Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practised for a good many years.” Address to the General Dental Council, quoted in Time in 1960.
13. “Tolerance is the one essential ingredient... You can take it from me that the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance.” Advice for a successful marriage in 1997.
14. “I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife but they are doing the same thing.” Dismissing claims that those who sell slaughtered meat have greater moral authority than those who participate in blood sports, in 1988.
15. “In education, if in nothing else, the Scotsman knows what is best for him. Indeed, only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education.” Said when he was made Chancellor of Edinburgh University in November 1953.
16. “If it doesn’t fart or eat hay, she isn’t interested.” Of his daughter, Princess Anne.
17. “Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!” Showing his impatience to be fed at a dinner party in 2004.
18. “What about Tom Jones? He’s made a million and he’s a bloody awful singer.” Response to a comment at a small-businesses lunch about how difficult it is in Britain to get rich.
19. “This could only happen in a technical college.” On getting stuck in a lift between two floors at the Heriot Watt University, 1958.
20. To a Scottish driving instructor Oban, 1995: “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?”
21. Prince Philip: “Who are you?”
Simon Kelner: “I’m the editor-in-chief of The Independent, Sir.”
Prince Philip: “What are you doing here?” Kelner: “You invited me.”
Prince Philip: “Well, you didn’t have to come!”
An exchange at a press reception to mark the Golden Jubilee in 2002.
22. “You bloody silly fool!” To an elderly car park attendant who made the mistake of not recognising him at Cambridge University in 1997.
23. “Oh! You are the people ruining the rivers and the environment.” To three young employees of a Scottish fish farm at Holyrood Palace in 1999.
24. “What do you gargle with – pebbles?” To Tom Jones, after the Royal Variety Performance, 1969.
25. “Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant.” At the 50th anniversary of the Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme.
26. “I must be in the only person in Britain glad to see the back of that plane.” Philip did not approve of the noise Concorde made while flying over Buckingham Palace.
27. “It’s not a very big one but at least it’s dead and it took an awful lot of killing!” Speaking about a crocodile he shot in Gambia in 1957.
28. “Holidays are curious things, aren’t they? You send children to school to get them out of your hair. Then they come back and make life difficult for parents. That is why holidays are set so they are just about the limit of your endurance.” At the opening of a school in 2000.
29. “People think there’s a rigid class system here but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.” In 2000.
30. “Where’s the Southern Comfort?” On being presented with a hamper of southern goods by the American ambassador in London in 1999.