A CARING LIFE

Oliver Pinsley, 24, from Hull, east Yorkshire, began caring for his father, Elliot, at the age of 14. Dad got cancer and became disabled. He couldn’t do anything himself and we were put in the position where we started caring for him. The whole family had to plan how we’d manage his care and who would do what. It came at a time when we didn’t expect it to happen. I was doing my GCSEs, so it was even more stressful.

For his recovery, it would not have been good for him to go into a care home full of older people and become institutionalised. He’d been in hospital for six months, so for us the option of him going in somewhere else was something we just didn’t consider.

Dad needed full help every day with everything — feeding, getting dressed and going to the toilet. He couldn’t hold a knife and fork so I would cut up his food. He couldn’t hold a pen, so we’d write for him. I got him dressed every morning. It was very frustrating for my dad. His speech had gone too, so although he knew what he wanted to say he just couldn’t. It was very stressful.

It put a lot of pressure on the whole family. We couldn’t do the things we used to do like going out together. You have to check if the place you are going has wheelchair access and has things for his needs. It was like our whole lives changed. People don’t see that, but you have to react to a new lifestyle. We stopped going out because it was just easier to stay in. When you are pushing someone in a wheelchair it’s hard.

In a way it changed how strong we are as a family. It makes me proud to think that we did that for my dad. But it is sad that you are looking after the man who you expect to be looking after you. But 100 per cent I’m proud of looking after my dad and ensuring his needs are met. When you see the smile on his face it makes it all worthwhile.