Learn to take care, as well as give care
CA R I N G F O R yourself is one o f t h e mos t important, yet often forgotten things you can do a s a c a r e - g i v e r . Thinking proactively and practically about your own wellbeing is key to sustainably supporting someone else. Look at your caring role as a set of scales. Where possible your life needs should be evenly balanced with those of the person you are caring for. Doing things for yourself, getting proper exercise and looking after your own health are not reasons for yet more guilt. Let it go. Guilt is only an emotional drain.
Carers of loved ones who require a high level of daily support should ask themselves these questions:
WHAT’S YOUR SLEEP STRATEGY?
Sleep interruption is the most commonly reported effect of being a primary carer. Caring can be stressful and sometimes relentless and if the person you are caring for also has sleep problems, it’s likely that you too are suffering. While negative for your health and wellbeing, lack of sleep can also affect your resilience, making it harder to cope and kick-starting a vicious cycle.
Implement and respect a regular sleep routine; retiring and waking at the same time every day.
Eat well and make time for light exercise. It might be counter-intuitive to put your body through more work, but exercise such as walking or swimming can relieve stress, help you sleep and ease muscle tightness from lifting and other physical caring.
Take regular time out to catch up on your week’s lost sleep. If you have a block of time away from your caring role, prioritise sleep over responsibilities that can be postponed. With more rest, you’ll be better equipped to handle them later.
WHEN WILL THE PERSON YOU CARE FOR GET A BREAK?
When it comes to respite, it is not only you who needs time off. The person you care for may also benefit from a change in company — especially if it means that you return refreshed, rested and more able to manage.
If the person you care for can participate in regular activities, day trips and social groups, take these opportunities to have a break yourself.
Find a system of “replacement care” — through local care providers or informally with friends and family. Having a carer to replace you for regular periods gives everyone the chance to enjoy a change.
Find a daily ritual that you can treat as your own time. Take a regular task such as gardening and add music, radio or an al fresco cup of tea to claim that time for yourself.
HOW CAN YOU HELP OTHERS TO HELP YOU?
Aassumptions about what should be expected of family and friends, what is unreasonable and what is unenjoyable for others can be a source of unnecessary exhaustion for carers. Communication is key to understanding what care activities your family and community are capable of, what they are comfortable with and, more importantly, what they might find personally rewarding.
“Don’t do anything someone else can do” should be a rule of thumb for primary caregivers. It is not easy to delegate tasks such as shopping, gardening or cleaning to friends and family — especially if you take pride in doing most tasks yourself — but it is vital to you being able to provide your best level of personal care.
If you provide care to an adult friend or family member, you may be eligible for support from your local council. This might include funding for things that make caring easier, or practical support such as arranging for someone to step in when you need time off.
Your council can also put you in touch with local support groups for yourself — where caring for carers is the order of the day.