MEN CAN USE A MIKVEH TOO
Many of you will be familiar with the mikveh as a required element before a chupah; women immerse in a body of “living” water for the spiritual ceremony of returning oneself to a state of ritual purity. Originally, this religious practice was enforced on men as well (see Leviticus 15:18). Anyone who comes into contact with something that renders them in a state of tumah, spiritual impurity, such as a dead body, menstrual blood, male ejaculation, leprosy etc must immerse in the mikveh. ( Tumah is not be confused with physical uncleanness, which has nothing to do with discussion of the mikveh.)
However, since the destruction of the Temple, we are all considered ritually impure. Men who used to immerse after each ejaculation were exempt since the rabbis considered this a regulation that the public could not live by (see Shulchan Aruch, Orach Hayim 88).
Nowadays, some Chasidic men choose to immerse daily as an extra pious act, but they do it every day for modesty (for it is no one’s business what they did last night). Women, however, have continued to immerse monthly.
Since the mikveh is known to be a source of spiritual preparation, many find it meaningful to immerse before a Jewish festival, especially High Holy Days. This is true for single people just as much as it is true for married, men and women alike. Sofrei Stam, scribes of Torah, tefillin and mezuzot, immerse before starting their holy work and converts use it as their last step before joining the congregation of the Jewish people — again, relevant for both men and women, in all denominations.
Modern streams of Judaism have begun to explore other uses of the mikveh, which include couples immersing together as part of their niddah observance (sexual abstinence related to the menstrual cycle) and who have been said to enjoy their “days off” as it prevents monotony in their relationship. Others sense a moment of rebirth as their entire bodies are covered in the spiritual waters, transitioning from their period of separation to their return to intimacy.
There is also the lovely notion of bearing witness for each other, so that you each testify for your partner that the immersion was in fact complete with every bit of your body covered by water — much more intimate than an outsider (like the mikveh lady) looking at you.
Today the mikveh has found an even more meaningful purpose in the empowerment of women. Some have used it for lifecycle events like girls’ babynaming ceremonies, marking your first period, becoming a batmitzvah or reaching menopause.
Since the waters have an empowering effect on one’s sense of renewal, there is growing use of the mikveh as a therapeutic tool of praying for health after a physical trauma (illness or a car accident, for example). My mother went to the mikveh after she got divorced, but really any emotional crisis can be cause enough to immerse and the same goes for overcoming a traumatic experience you want to cleanse yourself from.
As a rebbetzin in the Masorti movement, I have an underlying bias: we want to encourage people to follow this beautiful tradition. From the very beginning of our relationship, my now husband and I were interested in finding an egalitarian way to observe this mitzvah and agreed to both go regularly, maintaining those necessary days of sexual abstinence up until our monthly immersion.
In warm climates, it is a very romantic experience to immerse in nature, but for those colder months of the year, a mikveh facility is always available, though Orthodox mikva’ot are only open for women in the evenings and for men in the mornings. As Masorti Jews who live in the balance of modernity while observing all the Jewish laws, we are obviously aware that premarital sex is quite common nowadays, even in otherwise observant circles.
Our interpretation of halachah would encourage couples to observe the family purity laws even before they sanctify their relationship under the chupah, as sexual intimacy in a state of niddah is a more serious transgression in Jewish law than premarital sex. Beyond this, I believe this practice brings individuals and couples closer to each other and closer to God, and reinforces their commitment in an intimate and spiritual way.
Another way we chose to incorporate the mikveh in our family life was to immerse our firstborn, Hallel, in Kibbutz Hannaton’s mikveh under the auspices of the Masorti movement in Israel. As part of her naming ceremony, we started the day with our immediate family members by “bringing her into the covenant ( knisah
labrit) in the flesh”. It was important to us that she be involved physically in her naming ceremony, partaking in the same tradition her mother follows.