Candidates fluff their cup final appearance
PLANNING A simchah is no easy feat, as anyone who has made a wedding or barmitzvah knows.
What you don’t want is to run out of fizz too early, fail to provide anything for the pregnant guest, under-order on the canapés, or have speeches that sound like a Wikipedia page being read out.
These were just some of the blunders made by the Apprentice candidates in episode four, as the teams competed to run corporate hospitality boxes at Wembley during the Women’s FA Cup final.
Three-time losers Team Vitality seemed not to grasp that plastic bowls of wotsits was a bit too “youth service kiddush” for clients paying top dollar.
Overall, project manager Andrew’s approach left much to be desired, as did his sexist dismissal of women’s foot- ball. At risk of running dry, Andrew’s solution was to offer guests glasses of wine that were only half-full, the way you do when you’ve got 10 people for Shabbat lunch and haven’t made quite enough soup.
Meanwhile, outside the stadium where they were managing a concession stand, sole surviving Jewish hopeful Charles made it clear he doesn’t have a future working in the local cinema, by being so incompetent that he managed to burn the popcorn.
Over at Team Graphene, wedding planner Siobhan took charge, yet seemed to have learnt little from her day job.
Overall, Graphene’s party looked more like one Tony Page would have approved of, but in the end it wasn’t enough, with the boys scraping their first victory. A shame, as I would have enjoyed seeing Andrew sent off.
In the boardroom, with Siobhan, Joanna and Elizabeth at each other’s throats it was a competition for which one we wanted to see the back of most.
But eventually, and not unfairly, Siobhan was the one relegated, explaining on the drive away that she’d rather make her clients happy than make money.
All well and good, but it rather begs the question what she was doing on a show dedicated to the unrestrained pursuit of profit in the first place.