The sweetest opportunity
MYDAUGHTERloves sweets. This is no simple passion. With exacting precision, this s c r a p- of - a - s i x - year-old has categorised, labelled and filed every sugar-coated experience registered in her hippocampus. In short, she remembers every sweet she ever ate. Ever. (A good memory is a terrible disability.)
Events even become described in the context of brightly-coloured wrappers and cocoa surprises — “Remember that day at the park in south London with the boats on the lake when we ate purple jellyfish... and that time on the aeroplane to Israel when we sucked on the brown toffees with the see-through packaging... and (her favourite) when we went to Grandma and Grandpa’s house for my cousin’s birthday and they had a huge bag of red liquorice?” Days become defined by their candied complexion; Chanukah — the day of chocolate coins, Succot — the day of succah crawls (pre-Covid), Simchat Torah — the day that you can eat as many sweets as you want.
However, the greatest thing about this cloying treacle-y love is its stronger partner. When she has sweets, she likes to share them with others. She will take her little bag and offer its saccharine morsels to her younger brother, friends and family. And we ask her the following question: “What feels better, eating the sweets or sharing the sweets?”.
With a smile that is sweeter than her sticky hands, she responds, “Sharing the sweets feels better”. Now that she is a little older she continues, “Because eating the sweets makes my tummy happy, but sharing the sweets makes my heart happy”. Now isn’t that sweet?
I was asked to write an article for this beautiful charity supplement and I could think of no more powerful message than to communicate the gift of giving — for the giver. While there is a pleasure in amassing, consuming and having, there is a greater, more profound joy in sharing the gifts we have been given. We do not always grant ourselves permission to appreciate this joy, instead sometimes feeling reluctant and coerced to share our resource with someone else.
At this time of year in particular, we can be so bombarded by requests for help from a plethora of incredible organisations that we may become desensitised to the gift of giving. Perhaps there is a chance for a re-frame.
Maimonides describes different levels of charitable giving. He writes, “The greatest level, above which there is no greater, is to support a fellow Jew by endowing him with a gift or loan, or entering into a partnership with him, or finding employment for him,inordertostrengthen his hand so that he will not need to be dependent upon others...” In an earlier level, Maimonides extols the virtues of giving anonymously so that there are no feelings of indebtednessorparochiality.Herethough,giving is enhanced to a new place; to give by providing an opportunity such that the benefactor no longer needs to receive, creating the opportunity for their own self-sufficiency.
In this light, the highest form of giving is to create opportunity. But that goes both ways, an opportunity offered to another is an opportunity for me to share my gifts with another. Indeed, the Talmud relates that the monetary value of enjoying the act of creating opportunity — enjoying the process of giving a gift and someone receiving my offering — has sufficient monetary value to effect legal transactions. Imagine if a bride gave a ring to her husband-to-be and he declared to her, “Behold you are married to me with thepleasurethatyou have received by giving me this gift” — it wouldworktomakeamarriage(though perhaps do not try this one at home). What we see, though, is that giving and receiving in their best forms are the mutual sharings of opportunity; opportunitiestogetthegreatestpleasurefrom theresourceswehavebeenblessedwith, andtoofferopportunitiestootherssuch that those blessings keep on giving.
As we enter this period of Awe and Majesty, these days that are marred with darkness and worry, we may choose to see these days as replete with opportunity.Opportunitytoshare,toreceiveand to pay forward our blessings. In this way, let us have the sweetest of New Years.
What feels better, eating the sweets, or sharing the sweets?’