‘My husband was trying to shut me off from the world’
Victims of terrifying domestic abuse have come forward to front the Jewish Women’s Aid fundraising drive for 2022
“MY HUSBAND EXPECTED and demanded sex every single night, getting a pillow and putting it over my face, screaming and shouting at me, grabbing me,” says Sara.
“I didn’t have access to our joint bank account and my husband was literally just trying to shut me off from the world,” says Lia.
These among the harrowing testimonies from victims of domestic abuse taking part in Jewish Women’s Aid’s annual fundraising campaign.
JWA says it needs to raise over £600,000 to support clients like Sara and Lia in 2022. Money raised as part of the campaign, which launches on Sunday, will be matched by the charity’s key donors.
Appearing in a fundraising video with her face obscured to protect her identity, Sara (not her real name) said counselling provide by JWA had “brought her back to life” and helped her to deal with the abuse she had suffered.
Sara’s husband sexually, physically and emotionally abused her until she went to JWA for help. She is one of over 546 women the charity supported last year.
She says in the video: “I found myself saying things that were so deeply, deeply shameful and so painful and I could cry in front of her, I could be angry, it was in this setting that I understood that actually what I’d experienced was not marital sex but actually rape.”
She adds: “I can remember once, we went into the bathroom and there was the tall towel radiator and he smashed me against it, and he said ‘I’m going to kill you and then I’m going to kill her’, about our daughter.”
Lia called the police about her husband after years of escalating physical and emotional abuse towards her and her son.
“Nobody really wants to admit that they’re in an abusive relationship and that things were happening to their children but I realised that there was not going to be any way out of this,” she said.
“He was stopping me from doing a lot of things, I didn’t have access to our joint bank account and he was literally just trying to shut me off from the world.”
When she contacted JWA they gave her the practical support needed to leave the relationship and her son was offered
play therapy to help him process what he had been through and witnessed. “My son didn’t really want to speak and he didn’t have the confidence to say anything, but over time he found his voice. If it wasn’t for Jewish Women’s Aid, I don’t think I’d be here today,” Lia said.
The campaign video highlights the fact abuse affects women from across the Jewish community no matter their age or religious background.
In the video a 23-year-old woman explained how she contacted Jewish
Women’s Aid after suffering coercive control at the hands of her boyfriend. She appears with her face obscured and a voice actor speaks her words because she is still fearful of her ex.
“I was only 19 when I started this relationship. I was at university and I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world having someone who was that interested in me,” she said.
“He always made out that I was the one in the wrong, that I was the one who was selfish and that everything wrong in the relationship was because of me and I believed him because he spoke with such conviction.
“I initially approached Jewish Women’s Aid after I had left the relationship and I went to see a caseworker who really helped me to understand my situation but also what a healthy relationship should look like.”
Naomi Dickson, JWA’s chief executive, praised the women for speaking out about the abuse they have suffered.
“What their stories show is how abuse affects all parts of our community, how varied it is and of course, how hidden,” she said.
“We need to make sure that we are challenging abusive behaviour and also that we have the professional services in place to support affected women.”
She said after two years of Covid the charity had “never faced a less stable fundraising climate. With Covid still affecting dinners and events, and a number of grants coming to an end, this campaign aims to raise enough for us to continue to offer our free services for at least an additional year.
“We call on the community to support Jewish Women’s Aid to make sure we can continue to be here to support the women who need us.”