Jewish Women’s Aid gave me hope for a brighter future
IWAS 39 years old and living in Israel with my fiancé, who was demonstrating increasingly controlling behaviour. He dictated how I spent my time and money, and at the lowest points, he was physically abusive. Being far away from my family and friends, I felt isolated, as I was unable to share with them what I was experiencing. I didn’t want to be judged or forced to leave him. I was confused, overwhelmed and scared of my partner. Yet at the same time, I loved him and we were planning to marry. I started to have panic attacks and experienced depression. I knew I needed to do something.
While I was in the UK visiting family, I contacted the Jewish Women’s Aid (JWA) helpline. I was due to return to Israel after a couple of weeks but felt petrified to go back. He would FaceTime me constantly so he could see where I was at any given moment. If I didn’t answer the phone, afterwards he would verbally abuse me and every time we spoke I felt overwhelming anxiety.
Initially, I blamed myself. I wanted to be in a relationship, I wanted to be loved. I’d had trouble trusting men and didn’t want to risk losing him. In my heart, though, I knew this wasn’t a healthy relationship, but I was worried about the consequences if I broke things off.
I was unsure how to explain my feelings to my JWA caseworker, but with great tenderness and patience, she supported me at my pace to make sense of my situation.
Jewish Women’s Aid provided me with emotional and practical support through several short calls a week instead of one long call, as I found being on the phone for long periods triggering.
It was so helpful that when I needed immediate emotional support but couldn’t speak, my caseworker was available via the JWA webchat service.
She referred me to the JWA counselling service. My sessions with the specialist counsellor provided me with the space I needed to understand my experiences and to grieve the loss of a relationship which was very important to me.
My caseworker encouraged me to seek medical support to help me manage my depression.
She also introduced me to the JWA welfare adviser who helped me apply for Universal Credit and housing benefits. I would have struggled to manage this process alone.
JWA’s practical assistance helped to alleviate some financial burdens, allowing me some breathing space to recover from the trauma I had experienced before I faced the pressure of job hunting.
JWA’s legal clinic advised me on my rights to the property I co-owned with my ex-partner.
Thanks to JWA’s support and encouragement, I was able to tell my loved ones about my experiences. This was a huge relief. With their support and that of JWA, I could see
I was scared of my partner yet at the same time I loved him
a more hopeful future outside of the abusive relationship I was in and felt strong enough to finally end it.
Without JWA’s practical and emotional support, I wouldn’t have coped with the life changes that I needed to make to escape the toxic relationship.
My mental health improved significantly, and I started to work and re-engage socially with my friends.
It was important for me to learn how to recognise abusive behaviours and the cycle of abuse and to understand that I was not to blame for what happened to me.
I will be eternally grateful for JWA’s non-judgmental and instantly accessible support, without which I don’t know if I would have been brave enough to leave the relationship.
I have learnt and grown so much and am deeply proud that I am now living a full life, free from abuse and looking towards a brighter future.
Jewish Women’s Aid supports and empowers women and girls aged 16 and upwards across the breadth of the Jewish community in the UK who have been affected by domestic abuse and sexual violence. It offers a bespoke, culturally sensitive service.
No Jewish woman should have to face abuse alone. JWA is here to help.
Written by a former client of Jewish Women’s Aid. Due to data protection and the client’s safety, they must remain anonymous.
I’m eternally grateful for JWA’s nonjudgmental support