Don’t assume a solitary person is a lonely one

L“

There is a risk of keeping my circle of friends so small. They might all decide they don’t like me and leave

ONELINESS. That’s what this year’s theme for Mental Health Awareness week has been.

I kind of feel like it would have come in more handy in 2020…or even 2021, but there we go. I don’t get lonely.

Is that weird? It is a bit, right? I am a naturally solitary person. Really I have long preferred my own company. It’s the main reason I could never see myself getting married.

When I met my husband it actually surprised me that I liked spending so much time with him.

I was similarly astounded when my children were born and I enjoyed hanging out with them too.

And my mam, she’s great. But that’s about it where humans are concerned.

Should you be able to count all your favourite people on the fingers of one hand? Probably not.

I don’t get lonely.

I went on holiday by myself when I was 31 and I loved it.

Technically it was a yoga retreat filled with other people. But still, it was a solo vacation. My husband wanted to book me a surprise weekend away last year.

Spa days, meals out etc. He asked me which friend I wanted to take with me.

I said none please.

And could he also forgo the spa treatments and fancy dinners?

I spent the entire time reading, ordering room service, walking the grounds or sleeping. And it was absolutely fantastic. I don’t get lonely.

And so I find it hard to sympathise with her people who do.

Not because I think they are wrong to feel that way.

It’s just not an emotion I ever remember feeling with any intensity.

Maybe it would be different if I had loneliness thrust upon me.

But I have chosen to be alone, with the option of spending time with others always available.

I prefer books to people. Always have done.

If I didn’t, I would probably get bored quickly and need conversation.

Hasn’t happened yet, though. Obviously there’s risk in keeping my circle of people so small. They might all decide they don’t like me and leave.

And what would I do then? Because I would run out of literature sooner or later…

When I think about getting older, I can see where a dislike of solitude may creep in.

Also, I love my job, which is super-sociable.

Not to mention, I am a total extrovert who loves talking.

It’s all a bit complicated, to be honest.

I don’t get lonely.

But if I did, isn’t there an entire worldwide web full of folk I could interact with?

Also neighbours. Doesn’t anyone chat to theirs any more?

Not me, obviously. But people who enjoy making the small talk.

I assume loneliness isn’t solely a state of being by oneself.

There are no doubt a fair few folk who are constantly surrounded, yet feel isolated.

By colleagues they don’t gel with.

Partners who they cannot communicate their needs to. Children who don’t appreciate them.

Friends with whom they’ve long stopped having anything in common with.

I don’t get lonely.

And I suspect it is one of the worst forms of privilege: having always been shown love.